too many fiestas for reuben

Older Than I've Ever Been

2010-02-11T16:23:00.001-08:00

Wow. I love reading this. Oh, how things have changed.

Yowsa

2008-07-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Wow, so much has happened since I last posted. I gave up on blogging for quite a while. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it was because I wanted to step back and just live life instead of evaluate it. Maybe I just wanted to get out more, I'm not sure. Either way there have been ups and downs and all-arounds since January 2nd and no, I'm not going to recap, but I will have some new posts here and there even if no one reads this. Its nice to have an outlet where I can say anything that is currently on my mind or just get out the days events because no one else would listen. Today is just one of those times I come back and use the blog for such an outlet. Tomorrow may be to...we'll just have to see.

Now, here is a picture of me, that ruins the sentimental, thoughtful mood of the previous paragraph entirely.

twice the vanilla, twice the fun

2008-01-02T15:20:00.001-08:00

Well, I haven't been here in a while. I guess you could say I've been busy focusing on life rather than writing about it. And life during the blog absence has been very very good. I've been a lot busier than I thought I would be....which still isn't very busy, but at least I haven't gone insane from boredom yet.

I think I'm going to keep this blog brief and focus on a few key points.

1. Winterball

Winterball rocked my world. I had so much fun. We all went to Beowulf 3D and got some sweet ass glasses. After that we went to my place and had some tasty Chicken Alfredo and some fermented k-mart apple cider. It was taaaaaasty. Next up was the downtime, Shelby had to go get ready so I just hung around the house in my PJs for a while until she got back. Oh man was she beautiful. She had a sweetass dress, her hair was all pretty and styled and she just looked wonderful. Whew, it was hard to contain myself, I've got a damn hot girlfriend who is allso very intelligent, funny, and a good person overall. GREAT PACKAGE. Anyway, we went to the dance and danced the night away, I kinda suck at it, but whatever whos to judge me, I was only worried about Shelby thinking I looked funny anyway, no one else. After the dance we all went to Jordas. It was a fun time and I'll leave it at that, haha.

2. HOLIDAYSEASON

It was a good holiday season/break I'd have to say. I had a christmas concert, school got easier, then I got lazy over the break. I hung out with Shelby more than I thought I would be able to, so that made me extra extra happy. I hung with Joe a few times as well, its getting harder and harder for us to be entertained I think, but Rock Band will keep us busy for a while. When Christmas Eve finally rolled around my grandpa came from Great Falls and we all did what we usually do. Eat, Church, Presents. I got some pretty cool stuff, some new clothes(transformers tshirt was best), giftcards, money, a ukulele, and other small things. Because of all the new musical items gained over the break, I was inspired to begin making music again. Jake, Marne, and I made a pretty good song, and Joe and I formed a group called "Meanasaurus"... For the most part its experimental, funny sometimes, folky, weird music. You can check it all out here. As the break went on I hung out with Shelby some more, David and all the fellas another night, and family some nights. Shelby and I didn't have much to do, but we both had our movie/food days that we had been wanting to do for a while. I went to Shelby's earlier in the break, and we watched Dumbo and ate banana chunks covered in jello powder. It was extremely good...and hanging there was one of the best things ever. We went sledding, then Shelby and her mom insisted I put on some sweats. We then watched dumbo in the light of the tree and I fell asleep I was so cozy and happy. It really was one of the greatest times ever, even if it was so simple. On the other hand, my movie food day with Shelby wasn't as cool. We had peanut butter and honey sandwiches and watched the Simpsons Movie. I had lots of fun, just being in good company, but my house just isn't as cozy as Shelby's. I wish there was more for us to do in Deer Lodge. Oh well, there will be more when Spring rolls around. Later in the break we also went to Helena. On the way my mom said we should pick up Shelby, so I agreed that it was a good idea haha. We picked her up on short notice, then headed to Helena. We went straight to the Macaroni Grill, where I had this mushroom ravioli dish. Dear God it was one of the greatest things I have ever tasted in my life...EVER. I kid you not, just looking at the picture makes me drool. You got to draw on the table there. It was awesome, I totally kicked Shelby's ass at Hangman.... hehehe. Anyway we went around to various shops and shopped for various things. It was more fun than you'd think, just to walk around there with Shelby was awesome. We had fun, made jokes, looked at shoes, sat in chairs, and overall just had fun with eachothers company. Eventually we went to see my grandpa, and hes getting rougher as time goes on, but he still seems pretty much there. His main problem is hes about deaf and can't hear most things we say. It was kind of sad to see him that way, but he's not suffering. Hes a happy go lucky guy and he made some pretty good jokes there. Haha, I introduced him to Shelby and everytime he looked at her he'd give this smile....hehe can't blame the dude. Anyway we headed home after a while, and dropped Shelby off. Somewhere in the giant mess above we went on a family bowling trip too. Ahh it was actually a pretty good amount of fun.....

3. New Years

Shelby came to my house on and off during the day because of practice and what not. She eventually headed home and she eventually came back haha, this time with Chy. We all congregated in my basement for a while, playing Rock Band with Joe and Laura. We played Scattegories too, that was one of the highlights haha, it was lots of fun. We all went to Pizza Hut after a while and ate lots of food. We brought the sparkling cider and it looked somewhat conspicuous at the table. The rest of the night is kind of a blur to me. It wasn't what I thought it would be, but I guess it was a good lesson learned. Shelby and I had some really personal talks, and it made me feel even closer to her. We were both pretty stressed out and needed to vent. It was some really good venting though, she makes me feel instantly better haha, shes very understanding, and thats awesome because I'm a very weird person and do very weird things in different situations. I thank her so much for that. We eventually came back to my house and watched the Millers causing a ruckus in the street, had some "China", and talked even more. I eventually brought her to Chy, as paranoid as I was, but I knew I was being retarded.

4. Today

Today was one of the simplest days ever. I woke up, got a call from Shelby saying that I could come to Elliston with them. I showered, got in the car, and I was in Elliston. Today was a super feel good day. It was brief, but it just felt perfect. We sat around and took pictures with Shelby's new camera on her couch in the warm, cozy sun...we played with the cat for a long time (more fun than you'd think), then we made some mother fucking kick ass oatmeal cookies. Dear god I swear they were the best I've ever tasted. Idk, maybe I don't get out much, but I'm not lying. I had to leave before we got to make the big cookie, but I was okay with that. I was a little sad to leave sooner than expected, but how could I ask for more? The day had gone so well, I was totally satisfied. Shelby and I said our goodbyes, haha we have long goodbyes, we hug, and hug some more, and get all butterflyish. Fun stuff. Ahh I love her.

5. Now

Now here I am, sitting around, writing, getting mentally prepared for school tomorrow. I'm dreading routine again, but I shouldn't complain. I've got it good. Very very good.

yeah yeah yeahhhhh

2007-11-23T11:42:00.000-08:00

Well I thought I'd make a brief blog before Winter Ball rolls around...because I will definitely have a large blog about that and hopefully with a million pictures too.

Well for the past two weeks things have been good, last week Shelby came over like 3 days of the week, it was awesome and we did some cool stuff, I won't elaborate because I'd end up doing so for a lonnnnnnng time, but just know it was all amazing stuff, shes the greatest.

Sean has also been back and I've been trying to talk to him cause we had a weird fallout thing for some reason, I don't really know why, but last night he invited me to the class party which was pretty damn cool, cept I had to leave early, around 11.

By then it was turning into a pineapple whipped cream kool-aid party.

Fun stuff.

I've been hanging with Joe a lot too.

We try really hard to find fun things to do, but it is very difficult.

We usually just eat somewhere and then run around town or just chill.

Funnnnnn stuff.

The other day we dressed up old school and pretended to be Michigan hicks.

It was pretty cool minus the itchy ass cotton shirt I was wearing, jaysus.

We also went sledding with Lucas and Jake, that was pretty cool.

Oh, and we made a bunch of music too, jeeez I keep just remembering this shit.

Oh well I've always had a bad memory.

Thanksgiving was cool, if not overtly mellow.

We ate, played with Cheeka, talked to Shelby, played Skate, watched Chuck, and slept.

It was a fun time.

With good damn food.

This morning we went to visit the puppies.

They were damn adorable.

I'm really split.

There is a light one, who is just amazingly cute and gentle and lovey dovey.

I just bubble up thinking about him.

Then theres also a dark, rough, tough guy, who I know would be loyal and protective as all hell.

Ah, man it'll be a tough decision for the fam I just know it haha.

Welllllllllll, not much else has been going on cept for I got Mass Effect in the mail today, and played that for about an hour.

I gotta say its pretty damn cool, the sci fi setting is making me blow it.

Welllll thats all I've got for now, I just felt like I had to document the last two weeks somehow, if not briefly.

PEACE

WINTERBALL HERE I COME BEWULF TREEDEE FOOD DANCING WITH MY HOT WOMANNNNNNN FUNNNNNN

REBELLION WEEKEND (KIND OF)

2007-11-11T18:02:00.000-08:00

Okay...

For months I've been planning something called my rebellion weekend.

I won't tell you what it consists of other than rebellion.

But I've been needing this weekend because I haven't really done anything crazy yet in high school.

And I'm a senior. I MEAN C'MON NOW!@#$J!#@$

Anyway, I wanted to keep it low key, and wanted it to be the first weekend after football ended.

Well, it was guaranteed to be low key considering no one was freaking home the whole weekend haha.

So Shelby, my first invitee, came to Deer Lodge.

We had plans to hang with Jessica and begin the rebellion with her.

She was in Billings and was going to be home late, so we had lots of time to kill.

When Shelby came, around 4 or so on Saturday, we were watching the Griz game, and my family made a shit ton of food, it was STUPENDOUS!

After getting a full belly and forcing Shelby to eat, we continued watching the game.

I ended up gettin pissed and we had to go downstairs or I woulda started screaming CAUSE THE DAMN GRIZ GOTTA SCARE THE SHIT OUTTA ME JEBUS.

Shelby watched me play Mario....(I know im such a loser haha) while we talked about some of the stresses in our life. I love our gripe talks, we get into it haha.

After that I think I challenged her to a wrestling match....which I won of course.

We had a cool wrestling helment...

But man we were beatin the shit outta eachother for a while....prolly around half an hour...thats quite a while haha.

After catching our breath, we decided to not go smoke some stogies not at the park in the dark. Oh man it was so not funny when Shelby didnt smoke a stogie not at the park ahh man I'll never forget that. After that Shelby decided to be a big sweetheart and buy us "treats". Shelby was being a big Cheyenne and couldn't decide on her candy bar. She eventually got Reeses caramel and an vanilla/mocha alligator ice....which was surprisingly good. I got the same minus the reeses plus a kit kat....mmmmmmmmmm.

We went back to my house and ate our candy and watched some dumb goosebumps for a while.

After a while we couldn't get a hold of Jessica, and Shelby had to stay somewhere, so she ended up staying at my house.

It took a while, but she eventually caved in to the idea, she thought she was overstayin her welcome and what not...

PFFF WHAT A LOSER

Anyway, it strangely started feeling like a sleep over...

We went to the basement and played some WarioWare with Jakers.

That was a good time I will not lie.

Eventually it got late and we got tired so we headed to our separate sleeping areas.

Shelby in my room, and Jake and I were in the basement.

Haha it was so funny, I woke up around 6 and heard a high pitched wail.

I thought it was Shelby crying so I really panicked for a second or two.

Then I heard another wail, this one lower, and realized it was my dad farting like a maniac.

God dad, god.

Eventually Shelby got up and headed home, I was sad to see her go, it was such a fun time, we bonded pretty hardcore I'd say, I love that girl no doubt.

Anyyyway, I didn't know what I was gonna do all Sunday, but remembered we had to take Marne home so I asked if I could go and of course I could.

First though Marne and I went to take Cinder out (carson's dog).

Her and cheeka played for so long, it was really entertaining to watch.

Eventually we headed home and helped Marne pack.

We went to Missoula, and picked up Carson to take to lunch.

We all talked football and made fun of Marne a whole lot.

It was a good time, I really like Carson, he's a fun dude, and NOT A MEATHEAD.

I hope he's nice to me when I get into college.

Anyway, we headed around to a few shopping locales, the mall etc.

It was pretty boring, but I saw a girl that looked exactly like sutton in a pet store.

I laughed and tried to get a picture but I got in trouble hehe.

Eventually we dropped Marne off and we picked up Guitar Hero 3.

Jake and I played that when we got home and it was a good time hanging with ol jakers.

Now I'm here, delaying homework, writing an unnecessarily specific blog.

2 maybe 3 people read this.

GAHDDD.

Oh well it was fun.

Not very rebellious, but FUUUUUUUUUUUN, the best weekend I've had in a while I'd say.

Makes me really look forward to the rest of the year...aww I just can't wait I'm such a happy kid.

RIP Harry

2007-11-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

RIP Harry

We'll miss ya buddy.

blank

2007-11-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

harry is dying

his breathing is very shallow and raspy

he wont move or respond to anything

he has such a blank stare

every few breaths he will clench his stomach in a weird way and shudder

a few days ago he was running around with cheeko, like he was did the day we got him

i dont think i was even this sad about any of my grandparents dying

harry is part of me

i cant even imagine growing up without him

no matter what i was doing he was always there somehow in my memories

it might sound kinda ridiculous, how im making this a big deal

but thats okay, if im the only one who gets it, its fine with me

because i really love harry

it just sucks so fuckin bad to see him the way he is now

ive been layin down with im for a long time

and i just want him to die now

its horrible seeing him this way

he has had a great life

he was always my little furry buddy

always protecting us

no matter how annoying his barking got

he loved us

god damnit this is horrible

i might update his situation if i feel like it

harry bo barrrry

sunday blues...

2007-10-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

man sundays can be saaaaaaad

especially this sunday

i woke up really late, around 3 or so

so i pretty much wasted the best part of sunday

which is sunday morning (reading the paper, making a big breakfast, etc.)

so that irked me

then i remembered i have school the next day

and i don't want to go back

its not hard or miserable when i get there, its just the anticipation that kills ya

and throughout the day i ate pretty much only junkfood cause my mom was making a bunch

and my dad was being gay asking if i was drinking last night GAHD

i did not drink last night

last night i got high

ON LIFE

HAHAHAHA

last night was awesome

*IMPORTANT EDIT I FORGOT ABOUT FRIDAY OMG*

so friday first

we had school

it was kinda cool, i like those days, they are easy, i have study hall and art with shelby, i really like that class

so all day shelby and i were trying to find a way for her to stay in after school

we begged chy at lunch

but i kinda blew it when chy asked if i used her and i said yes hahaha

shelby slapped her forehead and i knew i made a mistake

i dont use chy though, its just a nice benefit for her to bring shelby ya know

so i was pretty sad that she wouldnt be able to come in, but i was cool with it

even though seth made a horrible joke on the subject, gahd he got my hopes up haha

luckily they ended up coming in anyway

we drove around for a while until we decided to go to the haunted house

we saw danielle from anaconda there and when shelby learned who she was she seemed to get pretty down or something, idk....maybe she was jealous

haha it was so funny how she kept looking at her and saying how she wasnt pretty hehe

anyway i felt pretty bad for shelbs, i could understand...i get jealous and whatnot very very easy....idk if she even cared or was jealous but i guess it was my instinct to try and comfort her, im not very good at it haha

anyway we went through the haunted house

and it was the gayest shit of my life

it was no where near as big or epic as it usually is

it was so damn short

and five damn dollars too

what a damn ripoff

afterwards we were all kinda pissed about it, so we headed to safeway to find some food or something

chy couldnt choose what debbie cake thing she wanted most and it took forever

but we finally got outta there after shelby helped her decide

chy stole a pumpkin on the way out and she decided to carve it at my house

everyone sat around the kitchen forever it was kinda fun talkin and stuff

i was gettin tired of standing around so shelby and i went and sat down in the basement

no one heard us when we said lets all go sit down so i was like whered everyone go, cause no one came down foreeeeeeever

it was okay though shelby and i had a tickle fight that i won

its weird ive been gettin less ticklish and shes been gettin more ticklish

THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

after a while chy and bri came down and we watched tv for a while

it concluded the night

it wasnt a super momentous or amazingly fun night

but i really enjoyed it, i love being in the company of friends

*END OF SUPERFLUOUS EDIT SATURDAY'S EVENTS FOLLOW*

first we won a playoff game

which was scary

and im still really shaken and depressed about it

yeah i know "why are ya depressed if ya won james?"

well i dont fuckin know, but i know it was just scary how we almost lost

and it really sucked at the time

that feeling

and i guess even though we won it kinda stuck with me, even through the night into today

so blah

anyway

nick and i left deer lodge around 4:30 and got in elliston around 5

we watched shelby chase around sawyer trying to hurt him and make his shirt rip more

then around 6 we left for helena

i was really really spent from the game so i was dozing off in the car a lot

it was hard not to, it was pretty comfy

we ended up going to a bunch of places, like a kmart and a bank and whatnot so chy could have money

then when we got to the movie they didnt take checks so chy paid for nick

it was funny

we saw people guarding the doors for the rated r movies so we kinda huddled around and tried to make a plan

we ended up just deciding to go to dan in real life, but at last second went into 30 days of night

IT WAS SO CRAZY

we didnt get caught even though river was there and yelling at shelby about how she was 12 and whatnot

that damn ass

it was a pretty cool movie, not very scary, but pretty gory and graphic

after the movie the girls went to the bathroom FOREVER

then we went to taco johns

heck yeah it was amazingly good

and i beat shelby there too

and to the car a bunch

im an awesome racer

after taco johns we headed back to elliston and went to shelbys for the formal bday stuff

shelby got chy some workout vids cause shes fat and a cool sweatshirt thing

we ate some damn good cake and then went to the living room or tv room or whatever for a movie

we watched knocked up, it was a pretty good movie from what i saw but i was so tired/carsick/full that i didnt see too much of it

i kinda felt bad cause i wasnt my usual loud rambunctious self, but its okay everyone survived even though i wasnt the life of the party LIKE I ALWAYS AM HECK YA (jk)

after the movie we said our goodbyes and headed home

it was a good night

sigh, they just go way too fast, it already feels like a dream

Godspeed you black emperor....

2007-10-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

WOW.

I decided to blog.

Because I am bored.

The Office was only half an hour today, so I've got alllll this leftover time.

I had nothing planned and I hadn't blog blogged in a while so why not eh?

SOoo here we go...

Life Status: Awesome

Why: I have many reasons, a major one being Shelby and I are having a ball and having a hella good time haha, we've created some interesting memories and heres to making a million more. I love that girl. Not only is she my girlfriend, but she is my girlFRIEND, we get closer each day and both of us know a lot about eachother that most people don't. It feels good, very good. Another reason I'm happy is because of football....we are doing really good and it feels good to do good and be good and be recognized as good. It may be tiring and work, but I'm gonna push through it as hard as I can even though around this time it starts to wear you out. Another reason I'm so happy is because school hasn't been half as bad as I anticipated. Physics is probably my only real gripe, having homework alllllll the time, and its challenging....damn I don't even know why I'm doing it....I guess I just felt guilty taking the easy way out, I'm always up for a challenge no matter how much I whine, I'm very patient and easygoing so it really isn't that bad. I'm not one to just give up on anything.

WELLL shelby just called... and i got the point of the blog out...........I WILL FINISH LATER.

peace

AHHHHHHH breathe..........

2007-10-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

I am so god damn happy.

All thanks to miss shelby.

Because of her, I'm not so scared anymore.

Eff ya tomorrow, here I come.

hey you guys

2007-10-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

I need a favor to ask.

Because I just had a short, sweet conversation with Katie Hill....

Annnnnd we both told eachother how our attitudes are our main depressants.

So any time you see me being a little bitch, kick me in the nuts and then say, "JAMES QUIT BEING SUCH A GOD DAMN PUSSIMIST*!!!"

*pussimist = pessimist + pussy

well gosh darn

2007-10-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

I'm really confused.

I'm really happy.

I don't want anything to change.

But when I'm by myself I such a downer.

I think I really need to vent.

But I'm not sure who I should vent to.

Or even if I should.

Because I always seem to worry about stuff that I have no reason to.

But it just keeps coming back to me, and I'm getting sick of it.

The contrasting feelings are killing me.

It may be because everything thing thats good to me just feels like a dream.

None of it seems real, or authentic, or like it ever happened when I'm by myself.

Then I try to be in those feel good situations more and more, but I feel selfish, like I don't deserve it.

Then I feel like I get annoying, and like people aren't being honest.

Then this builds up the paranoia.

And my stress.

And I hope its all over nothing.

But, like I said, it keeps coming back to me.

Shit, its going to be a long night.

not enough american parties not for reuben

2007-10-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

ha, see what i did there...

with the title?

ya, prettty damn awesome

or in the words of brian

PFC

yeah sooo

im not sad anymore

i prolly will be again sometime though

cause i have my moments

where ill think too much

and get all emotional

buuuut right now

im PFH (pretty fuckin happy)

for one ive come to my senses

and decided to be optimistic not a damn downer

i also feel better because i have good friends

and they are fun to be around

even when theres nothing to do besides buy a big mac and eat it before you leave the drive thru

anooother good thing is shelby, hanging around her alllllways makes me happy, no matter what kind of mood im in

as soon as i hear that "a-huh huh" it just perks me up haha

ummmmm yep we had the best lazy sunday ever also

really good way to end the weekend instead of mope around and eat

"then pop goes my heart"

in my head all day i kid you not, what have you done to me?

and last ive got halo 3

yeah pretty sad i know but its something to take my mind off of shit and to blow off some steam killin noobz

well i pretty much blogged cause no one has in a while

soooo

i really like this picture

even though im a loser in jeans and clown shoes

REMEMBER WHEN YOUR DAD DROVE BY SLOW?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

jl;aksjfljs

2007-09-28T05:55:00.001-07:00

why do i feel so fucking sad

OMG TEH HALOZ

2007-09-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

I love gettin overhyped for SOFTWARE.

I talked to jess today.

We talked about how we wanna have the most fun possible this year.

And it got me all excited for the year.

But right now football kinda cuts out half the weekends.

Not a big deal, since I love football, I just really want to do more this year and when footballs over I'm gonna have a ball.

YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE GOD DAMNIT.

Strawberry Jam

2007-09-16T18:36:00.000-07:00

I love life.

Not even football can get in the way.

As stressful as it is.

I was kinda worried that losing would turn me into a manic depressive.

It didn't so I was relieved.

Yeah, so this weekend was pretttty DAMN GOOD.

Saturday.

I was pretty sore so I slept most of the day, but hung out with my Aunt Betty, went to the freshmen football jamboree, and went to the close up car wash.

I woke up around 4 and got on the net.

Shelby got on as well.

We decided that I was gonna go to Elliston that night.

I felt kinda bad coming on such short notice, but it was awesome anyway.

We sat and played with kittens (not as gay as it sounds), toured her mother's old house, got scared by Sawyer countless times, watched one gay and 1/3 of an amazing movie, got attacked and stalked by Sutton and mini-tj, ate tacos, and made fun of eachother.

Couldn't have had a better Saturday night if you ask me.

It was perfect for my conditions, sore and longing.

Sunday.

I slept in somewhat late.

Ate Marne's ice cream.

Andrew, Jake, and I got some pizza and sat in the basement talking and watching football whilst pigging out.

Dan and I decided to film our music video around noon.

I had lots of fun, and his camera is niiiiice.

I trust its gonna be a good video.

IT HAD BETTER BE GOD DAMNIT.

I don't think I've ever had such a bad panic attack under such bright conditions.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMFG TRIFORCE

2007-09-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

Homecoming.

It was quite the mixed bag.

On one hand I got to hang out with some friends and spend some time with Shelby.

Who is amazing, though I do feel kinda selfish around her lately cause I just can't seem to get enough of her. All the time we spend together is over in a blink and I seem to be wanting to spend more time with her than ever because of my last year in high school. I'm always scared of regretting not being with her enough, but that just might be my paranoia.

On the other there was some gay ass drama/reflective sadness going on.

It's making me feel weird as shit.

My emotions:

Happiness: 100%

Anger: 100%

Sadness: 80%

The way these emotions are colliding is confusing the shit outta me.

But the sadness and anger are unfairly outweighing the happiness.

It was my senior homecoming and I had a blast.

But the negative shit was just not needed.

I will remember it for a lonnnng time.

And I don't want to look back and say, "That fucking bitch broke his heart."

I want to look back and say, "I had one of the best times ever that night."

My stupid fucking paranoia took a toll on me too.

I don't know why I worry.

I really wish I didn't but...god damnit I don't know.

Overall, I just want to finish the year in a simple way.

Have fun, don't have high expectations, don't be so selfish, be the best person I can, and don't be so god damn pessimistic all the time.

I gotta live in the moment, not cry about how this moment is going to be the last one of its kind.

Man I really wish I had someone to vent to right now...

She had to ruin it for us...

I get to stay up late tonight!/Chain Reactions are Sad

2007-08-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

I had a super weekend.

thrusday-sunday with shelby

I would tell you what we did (and we did lots surprisingly deer lodge isn't as bad as we all think), but it would be like writing a suppppppper long romantic comedy novel...and I really don't have the romantic comedy novel knack so I'll let it be.

Just know it was AMAZIGNSGINGSGNSDSDFSUPERDUPERJFASLDKJFATIMESTENKAJILLIONSLKJALDKJALKFJ.

Times ten.

Minus two.

Plus four.

But yeah, I learned soooo much from and about shelby and I'd say it was prolly the best fair since I was a kid and was content with a greasy treat.

ANnnnnnyyyyywayyyyyy....

I noticed I haven't had a very "emotional" blog in a while so I've decided to tell everyone how I'm feeling right now.

I'm looking forward to this year more than anything yet dreading it hardcore at the same time.

This year has potential to be the best year ever.

But either way its also my last year in high school.

Its extremely bittersweet...

All this paranoia is running through my mind....it makes me sick to my stomach.

But it will be easy to forget about when I'm having fun...and I will.

This year I will let loose.

Maybe take some chances....but if it hurts anyone along the way you can just SCREW IT...cause I won't do that.

I need to stick to my overtly safe attitude...

haha, sometimes I can be too safe....

Today Jake and I were walking to safeway to get some junkfood.

He was walking on the retaining wall next to les schwab and I totally freaked out and told him to get down from there...

He couldn't believe I was serious.

Can't blame him, I had done it countless times before...

Hmmm, well I don't really care.

Overall I'm still a happy kid, I got pretty scared last night, thought I effed up, but it's all good now haha, but otherwise I have been extremely happy.

Football is going good, hanging with my friends and shelby are balanced activities, but I think shelby would be one of our friends anyway, muahah she is starting to become corrupt like us all.

Now we have the blue gold game this friday....

Then about half a week, and school begins.

And the summer is over.

a bittersweet reprise.

From now on....

2007-08-13T18:03:00.001-07:00

Thursday I went to shelby's.

Had one of the best times ever, I love that girl.

We watched a good mouse movie.

She has some adorable kittens.

And is an amaazing painter.

Looking forward to our future.

Friday...

LAST DAY OF WORK EFF YEAH.

Got off at noon.

Went to Missoula...

Got picked up by Bette.

Went to Frenchtown.

Went to their football practice.

Prettty awkward.

Went to the fair.

Hung out with Brad's buds.

Awkward.

SATURDAY>>>>>

Slept in for the first time in ages.

Ate some food around noon.

Went to town around 4.

Ate giant rib platter at Famous Dave's.

Went to mall.

Went to fair.

Awkward again.

Went to adult entertainment store afterward with Brad's friends.

Interesting hahaha.....

Went back to Frenchtown.

Slept.

Woke up.

Went to weird lady's house.

Took us to boonies.

Took pictures of us...naked.

Not really.

Went back to Frenchtown.

Ate gyros.

Went to Missoula.

Went to Costco.

Wandered and ate samples.

Went to several milkshake joints looking for good ones.

Met Marne at CRAIG or some shit.

I drove home.

Woke up next morning.

Went to football.

Half assed practice.

Home.

Rb's with fellas.

Good times.

Ride with fellas.

Fun talks.

homeeeeeeeeeeee.......................

not erally feelin like writin a ton omsflaskjfask sorry.

Always be optimistic...

2007-08-07T17:44:00.000-07:00

I've decided I have no idea what to write.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to write about.

I'm just having trouble putting it into words some reason.

But I'm doing super effin awesome.

Here are some pictures and videos.

Most are very short so even you guys with dial up can enjoy.

Digga duh duh STOP...Cabin time.

2007-07-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

I need work to be done.

I need more time.

For lots of things.

Its like I'm on a tire-swing...

2007-07-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

I had a prettyyy good week/weekend.

Football camp wed-friday.

Did some ass kicking and pwned in Helena...

I love that game, even if you do come out of it sore as hell for days.

Its a strange gratification, working as a team, being buddy buddy with all these people.

Uplifting in general.

After the camp I headed to the Relay for Life for around 30 minutes.

It was pretty cool, I ate about 6 bananas, 3 cookies, 1 brownie, and had 1 water.

It was the first year I haven't been able to do it so I was kinda sad about that...oh well.

If I wasn't playing football, I was playing with my Wii.

ner.. AHAHAHAHA....jk

but seriously.

No its a fun device, and it helped pass the usual night shelby talk time.

Yeah I'd have to say Mario = Shelby....

jaykayjaykay jaysus i'm a kidder.

Saturday came rolling around and I had to work.

It was Ranch Days at the ranch and I had parking for the morning.

I just sat in a parking lot for three hours and I was done.

I went home and ate, sat around a bit, then planned the night.

I was hoping to see Shelby for the first time in over a week (omg long time I know) so we arranged to go to the Helena fair.

I called up Joe and we left around 2:15 or so.

We arrived at Shelby's house and sat around and talked while waiting for Chy to get done working.

Shelby's dad filtered in and out of the room, trying to embarass her or brag about his sweet sprinkling system, both of which were pretttty sweet.

Eventually Chy came and we took off to the fair.

It was pretty hot at first and we didn't do much except buy wristbands.

Which were a dumb idea considering how many rides we went on...she was right...

We walked around, ate, talked to various mothers and friends and began with some rides.

We went on the Ferris wheel to warm up...and I've never felt like such a pussy in my life haha...

The first couple times going around scared the shit outta me...but everyone said they were a bit scared at first too...

I guess everyone eventually warmed up.

It was still too hot to go on rides so we went and sat in the grass for a while...

There was a clown nearby and Chy wanted to get a balloon from it.

She waited forever until the clown called her "mom in black".

We all had a pretty good laugh, and Chy earned a new nickname.

Mom...

Teehee.

We went on a few more rides after that, then got some lemonade and fries...both were pretty good.

Sometime between we went and watched a dumbass hypnotist dude...it was so fake I was dying haha....plus on the way there I accidentally kicked a stick and stabbed my toe and bottom of my foot, I bled all over underneath haha.

We layed in the grass for a while and talked to Shanna and whatnot, she was the only one who didn't ditch us forever.

Shes a pretty cool person, fun and easy to talk to, and doesn't treat me like I'm retarded, so its all good.

Shelbs and I layed there and had some good laughs until we finally got everyone back to us.

We kinda split up again and Shelbs and I went looking for a ride to go on.

We went to the parachute one first, but the line was monstrous.

Next up was the little mirror hall thing, the line was really long for that too.

We eventually just settled on the Ferris Wheel, even though the line was super long too.

We were probably in line for around half an hour, but it was worth it, it was a good ride.

I was getting texts and calls during this time and we had to leave almost right after, around 10:40.

Chy was uber pissed and I felt pretty shitty, but by the time we actually got to the car and outta Helena it was 11, so no biggie I guess...still felt bad.

We had a fun ride back to Elliston then, I said goodbye to Shelbs and Joe and I headed home.

We talked about various things, it was great, Joe is definitely my best bud at the moment, even though he is a silly silly man.

Well I got home a little late and got a guilt trip treatment from my mother, but we talked it out and its all good now.

I went to bed immediately, and konked out kinda slow...I felt reallllly dizzy....damn tilt a whirl.

I woke up the next morning and did parking again for the second day of Ranch Days.

It was boring again except this time I got a radio and the orders to call Dave at 11.

I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head ovvver and ovvver, but it came out all jumbled and retarded anyway, I totally blew the opportunity.

I went down to the lower yard, and just hung with Marne and Julie all day.

It was quite fun, playing bingo and making ice cream for the children.

Carson and Taylor came and visited, we talked to them for a while about lots of things.

Then the cousins came with the fam, we took them around showed them everything, then I left with them around 4.

I got to know Issac a bit, hes a cool cat, him and Annie are great together.

We all got home and while the mothers made some amazing pasta, we all played Wii and Guitar Hero.

It was a fun time...when we got our food we all watched AFV, and cried a few times haha, that damn cat.

After a while everyone kinda gathered in the kitchen and Marne whipped out the chocolate fountain.

THAT THING FUGGIN RULES.

Serious, it makes anything a tasty chocolategasm.

After that I tried exposing my young cousins to violence and vulgar humor but they had to leave...

Jake left with them.

Now I'm writing this blog.

ALONE AHH.

Wellll, I hope to hang with some buds this week...and I hope work isn't killer monotonous...and hope to see Shelby again soon....

Buuut thats just a bunch of hopes I have so I gotta keep the optimism low...juuust in case.

wha? edding

2007-07-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I just had a super weekend.

I went Helena Friday night for a wedding rehearsal dinner thingy.

It really wasn't a rehearsal at all, the entire fam just went to the fairgrounds and ate tacos.

Super duper time, got shit from Rod and made a sand castle with Trinity.

The rest of that night consisted of going to Hastings for some reason I forgot.

Jake and I spoiled the new Harry Potter book for lots of the hardcore kids dressed up waiting there, it was awesome...

That night Marne, Jake, Brad, and I went to the Harry Potter movie.

IT WAS GHEY.

Long boring blah blah blah....dumb movie, oh well.

Went back to my grandpa's house to crash...he's not there, he's in the home so it felt kinda weird....

...but Jake and I had fun in the wheel chair....

When I woke everyone up on Saturday by banging into their sleeping places with the wheel chair and demanding apple sauce, I knew it was going to be a good day.

The Paskeys showed up at gpa's place about an hour later, and we sat around and talked for a long time.

I got more endless shit from Rod, but also ganged up on Marne.

Pictures were at 4:30 so we had a while to mess around in Helena.

We all went down to the Target/Hastings area and did a little shopping.

Needless to say, I wanted to die.

We got the new Harry Potter book, and we finally found a Wii, so both were purchased.

Then we met Robby and his girlfriend at the Staggering Ox, for lunch.

There is some damn tasty food there.

Keegan, Trinity, and Gwen ran into us there also.

20 minutes later Fig showed up too.

We all decided if we ever needed to run into family, the Staggering Ox is the place to be on the weekends.

Next up I drove Marne and Jake to Brad's hotel, because Marne is too scared to drive some reason.....

Jake and Brad swam a little, but then Betty got us some frosties which were damn nice and distracted from the man/woman thing playing marco polo with several uncomfortably young children.

We were all tired so I drove Marne and Jake back to Gpa's and we just crashed/read until the photos.

The wedding was to be at the golf course... and we only knew of one in Helena.

We ended up going to the one near Caroll, which was wrong.

After driving around for 45 more minutes, we found the actual location, right before Ft. Harrison.

A rich snobby dude owned it and had 23423521345 dead animals in just one section of his house.

We missed pictures, so we sat around outside until the wedding was to begin.

It was a nice wedding, short and sweet.

Shanes a cool dude saying baby after every sentence and whatnot.

Suave.

Next up we went to the Caroll Commons for the reception.

THE FOOD WAS DAMN TASSSSTY.

I went back for seconds.

We mainly sat around at the table with Rod and Brad, while they gave me shit about stuff I had no idea they knew so much about.

And suprisingly, I was one of the first out on the dancefloor...

Normally I would die before going onto it..butttt.... little Trinity came up to me and asked me and I've never seen such an adorable thing....I couldn't turn her down haha.

I still didnt do much, she mainly ran and pranced around while I stood aside and supervised.

To make a point about how shy I am about dancing, I was offered a $5 for every aunt I danced with and $10 for my mother.

I turned down every offer but very reluctantly and I felt very guilty for being such an introvert.

The shit giving, drinking, and middle aged women I dont know hitting on me climaxed then died down after the song "fins" was played.

After this song my family decided to pack up and leave if we wanted to get home at a reasonable time.

We got home around 10, played some Wii, and headed to bed feeling very refreshed and satisfied, yet tired.

Now I'm here, slightly bored, but enjoying just sitting around after being out and about, it was a crazy weekend.

Shelby is home for the weekend, and I'm hopin to talk to her before she leaves again, but if not, no biggie, I'm actually doing really well while shes gone (haha I mean that as in I'm not freaking out like in March), the days seem to be going smooth and I've been really busy and will have lots to do this week and weekend so I can be patient and wait as long as I need to... I'll prolly start whining soon though heehee.

This weekend the Gilbertsons are coming from Wisconsin.... I'm pretty excited, I saw them for only a few hours last year as opposed to the usual week I get to spend with em.

Annie is bringing her boyfriend...this could be interesting.....

Thursday and Friday I do not work....instead....I work Saturday and Sunday for the Ranch Days......

PARKING WITH ANITA DORE IN THE BLISTERING SUN YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

dog food

2007-07-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

i'm happier than ive ever been

but i am a little down right now

i work all week and the weekend feels like it should last forever

but it doesnt and im back at work before i know it

i gotta step up and do more things

or else this routine shit will drive me nuts

but this weekend has been great

one of the best and most fun ever id have to say

i went camping with joe at kading

shelby and chy were already up there

dave and his fam were too

so it was bound to be fun

we arrived around 7 and set up our shit

from there we did a combo of walk around in the water/sit and talk at the fire/eat

id say it was all fun

the talks we had when the girls went for their walks were quite interesting too hahaha

we all sat and talked til about 2 or 3 id say then most the team kicked it in for the night

great night in general

next day woke up, effed up the poptarts, and went on a bike ride after a while

felt kinda bad leavin the girls there but they were prolly sick of us by then

effin sweet ass trail

the ride up was strenuous

kicked it at the blackfoot meadows and caught frogs for a bit

ate and went back down the trail

very exciting, joe biffed it

once we got back we went to elliston and i swam at bigrock for the first time ever

we didnt get to stay too long but it was pretty effin sweet and i envy elliston now

the trip in general was the most fun i've had in a loonnggg assss time

it was so much fun just sittin around and talking

especially with shelby, we're gettin pretty close now, lub dat loser

i bonded with dave and joe even more also, those two are crazy bastards

never get tired of our humor

oh yeah and joe totally won, holy cow so unexpected (guy talk stuff)

im feeling so good now, this weekend i really heard things i wanted to hear and did things i wanted to do and with a lot of my friends

i hope to do more stuff like this before the summer is over

PLEASE

tomorrow im going to harry potter with my brother and sister for even more bonding

i really need to have more weekends like this

i just feel so giddy and complete

hopefully i can update this blog with pics...but we were so busy i dont know if we even have any....i know we have one though, i took it....of the girls incredibly nooby tent

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the weekdays suck minus friday

something new/10 new albums

2007-07-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

I love life.

I'm super happy and whatnot.

But I need to get outta routine.

I want to do something outta the blue, that I wouldn't normally do, something I have to think outside of the box for.

ROUTINE is satisfying, but I know it can get better than that.

Problem is, I don't know what, or how, or when to do whatever it is to change that haha.

OH WELL.

Downloading 10 new albums

SO YES..

work tomorrow...

NOOOOOOOo

looking forward to a pretty good week, hopefully can visit shelby sometime...after her red hat escapade haha.

nightttt.

huzzaaahhh/transformers

2007-07-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

Starting on Thursday, I hung out with Shelby for three days in a row.

Thursday was a surprise, but a very pleasant one.

I went to the weight room and turned out to be the only one who showed (cept those who got kicked lol bob you fiend)...Shelby was at bball camp and when I came out for water she mumbled something to me. I had no idea what she said, but kinda got the idea. I went back in and lifted for a while hoping what I thought was right (dead serious), and it turned out it was after I had a clearer convo with her. We watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail that night.

She giggled like there was no tomorrow, which in turn made me giggle like there was no tomorrow.

But there was a tomorrow, the next day she came over with Cheyenne while she washed windows.

I didn't want to bore shelbs with another movie/we had to leave eventually anyway so we decided to walk around.

This turned out to be a lot of fun, we talked the whole time, got a tiny cup o ice cream (we felt dumb in line haha) and visited Jessica. We ended up being late and had to rush to meet Brian. We all ended up going to his house where we watched shelby play with an etchy sketch (and do very well) and had puzzle races (which we won) and watched some of Uncle Buck.

Overall another awesome day.

The third day was a bit sketchy, cause we really couldn't get a hold of Brian right away, so chy had to hang with us and she was pretty pissed being the "third wheel"...I did my best not to make it weird, but I don't think it mattered much. We went to the park for a while, then back to my house and watched Arrested Development. Chy then went to wash windows, and shelby and I watched TV.

We watched super scary discovery channel shows and an amazing cake contest on the food channel ( i told you you've been missing out)

That was super fun.

Chy then came back and we couldn't get a hold of brian still, but she toughed it for a while then they decided to leave the instant brian called.

Everyone gathered back at the house to watch matt sewell play guitar hero and to watch an episode of the office after he left.

Chy and brian made us move to the futon....(whatever their loss)...they just don't know how to make the futon work.

It was a good time overall...but I did feel bad for shelby and chy....it was really quiet for a while....oh well not much I could do.

They all left after that and I was feeling awesome, it had been a super 3 days.

On sunday I moved the computer into my room because we have to clean out that room to make carpet installation possible.

Its quite convenient haha.

I went to work today, it seems to become easier everyday, but sometimes I do get quite bored.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to goto Transformers with the guys and gals, it should be quite fun...and if we don't get a ticket then we'll just see or do something else, I just like being around my friends.

fourth of july = silence at cabin

hopefully not too boring.

exercise creativity/ROUTINE/happiness

2007-06-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

I have been incredibly bored.

Yes, its only Monday.

But I have no way to exercise my creativity.

I come home...and just want to make music, or to make a movie, or to draw all over my walls in permanent marker....but I can't for various reasons.

Music: I can't record anymore/No one will play with me

Movies: The camera is not compatible with my computer/No one will help me

Draw all over my walls with permanent marker: My mom won't let me (she literally walked in the instant I was about to...)

I want to exercise my creativity somehow...I might just completely tear apart my room and redo the walls and carpet and everything....

Next problem...I feel so blatantly bored because of ROUTINE.

I'm falling back into it and I DONT WANT TO.

Routine makes the days blur...I have no memories with it.

Nothing is ever fun with routine...its just...routine....

Routine makes me secure though, but incredibly bored with life. I get ravished, and hunger for something to just happen.

NEXT.

Onto happiness.

I have roughly four friends.

I haven't seen much of three of them this summer.

Yep pretty much shelby, but I can't complain, she's pretty much amazing x 2.

Brian needs to come home.

Dave needs to come out of hiding.

Cheyenne just needs to wash windows.

And Shelby needs to hitch rides anyway she can. LAWL.

Yeah so pretty much you all need to be in my basement...all the time.

Summer is depressing...I miss traditioning with the fellas.

Anyway, Ima end this now.

Sunday = best sunday evaaaaaaaaar

Mammoth (OLTA)/Saturday

2007-06-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

Yeahhhhh saturday..............

Very interesting day so far I must say.

I woke up and contemplated what to eat.

I ate nothing.

I got really bored and wanted to freak my family out and possibly tan doing so.

I decided to make some cutoffs and put on my weird mullet hat/wig thingy.

I then mowed the lawn, yelling at my mother for general things....soda....sandwich....etc...

It's a shame my neighborhood is ten times worse that what I tried to be today, so they were unaffected and therefore my plan was a failure.

In more way that one too.

It took around 20 minutes to mow the lawn....so I didn't tan.

At all.

OH well, I don't mind being a farmer.

Jake and I have been sitting around now, watching the office, hot fuzz, arrested development, conan, and playing guitar hero.

Its weird how I want to go do outside during the week, but I feel too lazy on the weekends.

LOLZ.

Yep, well now I'm bored and hopefully I'll do something tonight.

Hopefully.

Our Love to Admire

2007-06-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

Interpol's new album is now in my hands.

I love it...............

BEYOND BELIEF.

And lately I've been kind of oblivious to other peoples thoughts etc.

So I'm going to be a bit more attentive to things like that.

I still feel shitty, but I'm itching to feel super good.

do do do do do do do

2007-06-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i need to remember how im supposed to be optimisticccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

shiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Mrs. Featherbottom

2007-06-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

Oh god.

I love it.

man o man

2007-06-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

I may have a creative output on many things, but knowing what to do is not one of them.

Yeah I usually just sit around after work.

Then I get all depressed and wish I wasn't so introverted.

I'm just scared of another shitty summer.

Kind of retarded how the memory of a wasted summer can totally kill you with paranoia.

I think I'm just going to start biking around again.

It's something to do, plus if I get hardcore again and take it to the mountains I'll be in shape and feel good for football.

Anyway, this is just me venting. It helps with my paranoia.

Poor Jake at bball camp, he sounds depressed.

But his two friends there are seniors from Manhattan and Big Timber, haha, so he's got it made in the food chain at least.

Bat for Lashes/Creamies are YUM

2007-06-17T15:41:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged since Tuesday or so.

Oh em gee.

Thursday

Thursday I went to Elliston.
(I have no pictures though, It'd would have detracted from the experience and time to take pictures, haha)

I wasn't as scared this time, it was awesome.

Shelby was worried that I was bored the whole time, but I had lots of fun.

We went to Robert's Roost, where I saw a phantom bear and she got deathly scared haha.

We then ran into Rylee on the way back, and so she came along with us on our adventures.

We went to the "trampoline"...which was uber sweet.

We caught a snail also.

Then we caught Sutton and Sawyer spying on us.

Haha, I don't care how evil anyone says they are...I like those two haha.

After that we went back to the Johnson residence and....guess....PLAYED GUITAR HERO!!!

Haha, it was still fun. CEPT SOMEONE HAAAD TO EFF UP JESSICA....

Rylee then had to go home I guess, so we sat around clueless for a while.

We decided to go to Lily Lake for a tad.

That place was pretty bitchin, won't lie.

It's like a secret haha.

We kinda explored that area a bit, then headed back to the Johnson residence yet again.

This time Shelby's super awesome mom asked if I was hungry.

I wanted to deny it, buuut....I was haha.

We both scarfed a pizza and some ice cream cake.

Both of which were superb.

Then we went to Big Rock.

Not to swim, just to sit.

Eventually a few fellows stopped by.

We got attacked by a young fisherman and talked to Jess ( I think...I'm bad with names ) for a long time.

Eventually Rylee came by and she joined the convo.

Then I started gangin up on Shelby with Jess and we tore her apart verbally, poor girl.

We also threw rocks at her for a long time, I'm such a good boyfriend.

Anyway, at about 9:30, I had to leave, so I brought her home then left for home myself.

It was a super awesome day I'd have to say.

Friday

Friday I went to work.

My boss had the day off, so I literally had nothing to do.

There was literally no one in the building I was at.

I just went home after about an hour.

When I got home my sister, mom, and brother were all contemplating on whether to go to Helena or Butte.

If we went to Helena, we would most definitely visit my grandpa and Jake and I would probably see a movie while the women did some superb shopping.

If we went to Butte, we would go to Wal Mart, Hastings, then home with a headache.

Of course we vied for the latter.

The highlight was eating at Mackenzie River Pizza Co.

Our waiter was too nice though.

I was getting annoyed with her nice gestures. Haha. Irony.

Jake and I completely dicked off in Wal Mart.

We would blast the most ridiculous music possible on the kiosks and headbang as hard as possible in the aisle.

Etc etc.

We then went to the mall, where Jake and I just sat in the car, dreaming up incredulous stories and macking on our melting ice cream bars.

Next up was Hastings.

While there, Jake and I just kept pointing out scary people.

One kid had a crazy rat tail dealie.

Another two were getting kinda friendly/randy playing Spiderman on the demo kiosk.

Of course I blatantly took a picture of them as loudly and obviously as possible.

As you can see they were very well occupied and were not aware of my presence.

Following this escapade was the wonderful trip home, where I fell asleep in the vehicle dreaming of fucked things.

My dream is as follows:

(I am at a grocers market, one resembling an awkward fusion of Safeway and Valley Foods. Some reason I am with a weird kid. He is a real person. I do not know his name. He is an incoming Freshman. Blonde, short, stubby, ugly as all hell. I wander around the store with a few friends including David, Brian, Joe, Shelby, and Cheyenne. This strange child keeps following us as we decide what we are going to buy with our recently acquired money. The homely child then decides to ask me questions, end after end. As I walk through the market, my friends slowly get annoyed and leave, one by one. I am alone with the child now. He is still asking questions. I slowly get annoyed also, but I do not say anything as a subliminal way to retain integrity. Sadly, I am not able to withstand such emotional stress. This young man is starting to really piss me off. We are now in the vegetable section of the twisted grocery. I start barking back at this child's demands in an effort to dissuade him from questioning me further. He is not moved by my remarks. This frustrates me to the point of physical action. I, for some odd reason, decide to put the child in a headlock between my legs. He is barely able to breath as his face is encompassed almost entirely by my soft cheeks. Yet....he is laughing. Strangely at that. To investigate this awkward behavior I gaze down at the victim's face.

It is my brother....)

Yeah so my dream was pretty much weird as all hell. I doubt I'll ever be the same again.

Joking.

Anyway, the rest of the day I sat around and watched the movie "The Fly".

Sadly the movie was cut off around 20 minutes from the ending.

This left me in a state of dismay and pissed-off-edness.

Saturday would be better.

Saturday

Territorial DAYYYYS booyeeee.

They are ghey.

I do not know what to say about this day.

It was fun.

I went to the parade in the morning, my sister was on a float.

I saw some very fat people.

One lady had her individual fups tucked down each of her short legs.

I almost threw up with laughter.

I then went home for a while.

Jessica then texted me in astonishment that I was not down there.

She then came to get me.

We walked around for a while then went to the baseball games.

It was hot there and boring.

So we all went home for a power nap.

It totally fugged up my day.

I was drowsy the rest of the night.

Joe called me eventually and I met with him to go down to the street again.

We just wandered forever, eating along the way.

Yum for ribbon fries/snowcones.

Dave was back too so we hung with him, but I just got tired of the fact we were just standing there, not even talking, with friends leaving one by one, so I went home.

Dave called me after he was done with Sadee, and we headed to B's house.

Played like 3 songs each on Guitar Hero then left for home again.

As drowsy as I was I stayed up until about 4 watching various movies and writing various things/ideas and getting scared by Shelby's cousin.

I finally decided to go to sleep after a text from Cheyenne saying I must be a loser if I was still up or something along those lines.

I slept on that shitty futon in the basement for the last two days some reason.

Idk.

Sunday

It was Fathers Day today.

We got my father a bird book, so he can identify them instead of question me endlessly and relentlessly no matter how many times I tell him every bird is a "Blue-Footed Booby"

We also got him two packs of tasty ice cream treats.

The are called "Creamies".

Inside joke stuff here, don't ask.

They are actually very good.

Anyway, after musing around at home, we decided to take a family hike on the east side of town.

It was quite amusing.

Instantly we ran into a baby fawn and accidentally separated her from the parents.

Marne wanted to cry.

I wanted to make jokes about Marne crying.

Also about her weight. ( Which is not bad, I do this out of natural sibling inhibitions Marne, its never true)

We hiked to the top of the mountain...and it was good. BAHAHAHA. Beavis and Butthead reference there.

Well anyway it was a good hike and now I'm back home, writing this abnormally long blog.

Jake is not here, he has been at Concordia basket ball camp.

He will be here tonight and we will take him to Scharfs for food.

Then he will leave again for another basketball camp.

It is very sad not having him around.

Hopefully I will manage.

This week all my friends are back...minus Brian again.

He is off to nerd/engineering camp for 11 days.

Cuh-razy.

Oh well, I will manage this week.

Hopefully I will see Shelby too.

And hang out with Daver a few times after work.

It will be a good summer.

I just need to get into a comfortable routine.

Even though I complain about routine once I get into it.

But I guess its my safe, little, imaginary box.

And its much better inside.

Man I sound autistic.

300 Miles from Wyoming, a kid is happy.

2007-06-13T16:07:00.000-07:00

YEAAAAAAAAAAH.

(Butt ton of vids at end of post)

My job is actually pretty cool.

There is lots of cool shit I get to do.

And I'm starting to actually see people now.

NICK for one...we dicked off during the whole teacher's tour dealie.

I did pay attention during the preservation speech by David Beaver.

Yes...David Beaver...not only a sweet ass name, but you gotta see this guy.

He's so badass its not even funny.

And he's got the craziest accent ever.

Awesome dude.

Anyway yeah, today I just went through newspapers all morning looking for GRKO related articles.

I found three articles out of probably 500 newspapers.

It was so cool and I have to write this down or I'll forget, I found the first article in the Standard on Shelby's birthday.

And it was funny cause I was thinking that whole time, oh her birthday paper is coming up, how cool would that be to find the first article in there.

Sure enough I did...anyway thats kinda creepy so enough of that haha...

After that I went to lunch...talked to my disgruntled parents, made pizza, and went back.

That's when I got to sit in on the teacher's dealie.

It was pretty cool cause Marne, Nick, and Rikki were all there.

It was nice having some people that were easy to talk to, my shyness is gay.

Anyway, yeah we learned about cultural resources and structural preservation.

There were teachers from all over there.

Garrison, Anaconda, Deer Lodge, etc.

Gary Swant was one of them.

He's obsessed with abstinence.

Only because he had his own kid before marriage and his ear was messed up or something so they blamed it on that.

Now hes crazy about tellin that message.

Kinda a selfish message coming from him though.

I would hate to be his kid...like it'd be great to be reminded everyday that your ear is fucked up and that its not a good thing and people will shame you for it...all because Gary got a raging boner (minus condom) before marriage. I don't even know why you would plan to have a kid before marriage anyway. That kinda fugged with me. Generally if you arent married, you don't want to have kids. Apparently he did....

Anyway Gary would just interrupt the speakers every 2 seconds for a generic question wrapped up linguistically. He would then try to put himself above everyone by adding to the answers or "politely" correcting someone whos worked there for quite a fucking long time.

Anyway Gary, I guess you just annoy the shit outta me.

Yeah we then got to explore the resources building and see all the crazy shit in there...there is a shit ton, no lie.

I love it, I just explore back there all the time and discover something new everytime.

My favorite thing was the old school sex doll thingy haha...those cowboys must've been pretty lonely.

After thoroughly exploring every section of that building, Marne, Nick, Rikki, and I went down to look at "Shaky" the calf, and feed the chicks.

That was pretty cool...afterwards Nick kept stalking Beauregard, the cat (who I saw fuckin own a mouse, so badass).

We then went to the chuckwagon and had some rice and cowboy coffee while waiting for David Beaver.

Dave talked forever about preservation, it was pretty cool.

We even went into the ranch house's basement to hear his schpeel on how he saved it.

Around 3:30, Marne and I went to feed Shaky.

I had to lure him into the barn with the bottle, which took forever cause he's a stubborn son of a bitch.

Then he proceeded to ram/drool/fart on me.

It was gross, yet adorable.

Anyway, I was done with the work day after that.

I went back to the resources building to get my bike and pedaled home.

WAS GOOD.

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to.

I get to see Shelby for the first time in FOREVER....well not really, but the days have been dragging on and getting monotonous since I started.

Oh well, once I get more comfortable and get a routine going I'm sure I'll be able to satisfy allll my needs(friends/shelby/videogames...hehe) efficiently.

GAHD, I need to see the fellas too, too bad they're all GONE.

Disneyworld? C'mon dave...how old are you?

ME JOKE.

Brian + Gay Roommate = HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHBA

PEACE.

(I changed the template...not because I wanted to...Transformers are awesome and they compete with my passion for females, but the template was toooo squished so I said eff it. YA KNOW.)

f1

Add to My Profile | More Videos

f2

Add to My Profile | More Videos

f3

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f4

Add to My Profile | More Videos

(shitty quality, I know....)

Work(it is boring[so far])/video attempt (soon)

2007-06-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

I started work today.

Yes, at Grant Kohrs Ranch.

I'm not getting paid.

For two weeks.

So, being a dumbass, I decided to volunteer until then.

Boy that was silly of me.

Just kidding, I probably wouldn't be doing much else, so its no big deal.

Work just kinda pisses you off even if you have the best job in the world, ya know?

Well, I do not have the best job in the world, but it certainly is leaps and bounds ahead of last year's.

I don't even know why I'm complaining at all, my workday mainly consisted of walking around or easy computer work.

Well I'll just tell you how it went.

I got there and filled out paperwork for a while since I'm volunteering.

Next, I configured my computer settings and password, etc.

After that I followed a group tour of Missoula 7th graders until lunch.

I really think I creeped them out.

They were whispering and pointing the whole time.

ANYWAY, after lunch I came back and did MORE paperwork, then ran around the ranch getting things and meeting people.

Kinda funny, I know like 5 people working there and didn't see them all day, even though I was walking around.

After that I read two complete histories on the place then watched two video histories on the place.

Oh yeah, then I moved a table and was done for the day.

Wasn't bad.

WEDNESDAY I SEE SHELBY YAYYYY.

bark at the MOON

2007-06-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

dannnananananannana NUH nananan NUH nanan NUH nananan NAAAAA

school is DONE

except i didnt check out

and im supposed to

but im not going to

caaaause i dont care enough

so TOO BAD MARLENE SWANT.

i do not know how im going to go about doing things this summer.

or how it will be.

im speculating and hoping that its amazing and full of awesome times.

hanging out with shelby lots lately has been super cool, even though i never know what to do.....haha oh well we have fun anyway

ha after we hung out today we had a guitar hero session with me, shelbs, chy, maddison, and brian.

it was super cool, we were in the back yard, exposed to the elements and whatnot, we really rough it.

after that i went inside for like 3 hours and paced.

then jake and i went walking to safeway and got some SPORTS DRINKS

i had sobe tea ORANGE SPICE, eff yes yum

after that joe called and said LETS BBQQQQ

and i said yes

he came over with a shit ton of food

then dave came

then brian came

and we ate

we also played guitar hero until 10

NOW IM BORED

ARGH

this is awesome

2007-06-06T20:38:00.001-07:00

you can't worship god before reading the bible

2007-06-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

school is nearing its end.

and i dont feel so irresponsible anymore.

why?

hhoooomework is nooooo moreeee.

cept for that fuggin 30 line essay silliman you dairy farmer.

well since dave blogged extensively about life i thought i might.

ill try.

its gonna be dumb.

Life is purrrrrty darn good. I have no real stresses, other than some friends are kinda drifting away, but I'm not gonna try and alter any changes. If I did nothing would feel right. Either way, I'm probably drifting away too, getting new friends, and they're all pretty awesome. I think a lot of it has to do with principles. Oh well though. Anyway, school was good...no, AWESOME this year. Started out pretty slow and depressing, then I high fived a special girl and from there on it was awesome. Well, after my paranoia bouts it was, that was quick though. She is super awesome and I feel really good about us cause its not just one of brigid's friends who developed a crush on me and me, being a lonely bastard back in the day, went straight in blindfolded. Yep, this one is good because its a mutual thing, not "OH I HEARD THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE" dealie. Oh, also, I CAN'T get whipped by her, cause she lives MILES AWAY HAHAHAH, so if you were thinking it, GO CRY ME A RIVER! keehee

ANYWAY, onto my friends. Daves always gonna be the super buddy, we have the gayest sense of humor evARRRR, and it never gets old to us. Raining bunnies. Guitar Hero. Making fun of other people. Its allll good.

Brian THOPM....I've got no pics cause hes a damn nerd. BUT, hes a cool fella and I dig his outlook on life and his hardworking principles. Hes also the goofiest kid ever conceived. I kid you not. A good kid to hang around, he's a good influence. LADIES, hes a hidden gem I kid you not.

NVM found a pic.

JOE stefalo...I'm so sorry Joe. I'm such a dick to you sometimes. BUUTT, its all outta love you gotta know. Joes a good kids, he's got some pretty good principles, nothing next to B's haha, but he's overall an awesome kid and easy to get along with....unless your name is Mandi.

Barg....what a silly goose. The only girl with a man's brain...or at least understanding. Shes lots of fun, kinda nuts, very kiddy, and overall very silly and diabetic.

Gaaaaaarick Thomp....This kid pwns the world. Tough guy extraordinaire, and braniac. Kinda sad he doesn't really hang with the old crew anymore, but he's still fun at school and whatnot. Maybe we'll see more of him next year.

Anton ROWE...man I probably pissed him off so much by stopping WoW twice, but I couldn't make the time. Maybe this summer Ton. Funniest fella I've ever met. I don't have any pictachrueurehss.....

And Jake...my brother...this kid IS my best friend...tied with Dave, haha. We also have the weirdest sense of humor, but people tend to understand this one a bit more. We do almost everything together now, and I'm trying to include him in everything becauuuse HE WILL BE IN HIGH SCHOOL NEXT YEAR EYAHHHAHFHAAH!!!

Honorable Mention: Cheyenne Kroll....man you are my gripe buddy. We just complain to eachother for the most part. Otherwise we argue, oh well its all fun. Oh, and to everyone who knows her, she isn't the meanest person ever. If you've ever been around her the same time as David Phillips at midnight, then you will know Cheyenne hahaha.....
The only pic I have of her is with shelby SO DEAL WITH IT>....

MAN, i can smell the garilic int he aslkdjfalskjf other room.........

time for food, fuck the blog.

i was done anyway....................................................I DONT WANT TO GROW UP.

goonight.

oh yes.. i forgot......i win because i convinced you it was about your lesbian antics.

ah i understand my "argh?" now

2007-06-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

i realized why i was so depressed last night and through this morning.

i'm having a mid high school crisis.

in exactly one year, i will graduate.

this depresses me to the extreme.

i have so much i love about life right now, and most things i only recently came to appreciate.

i wish i would have done so much more now that i think about it.

but i still have one year.

so im going to do my best to hold onto what i have and make it the best fuggin year of my life.

being depressed about it the whole time wont do anything for me.

so help me out all, lets have fun, starting with summer!

YEAH I FEEL GOOD.

argh?

2007-06-01T23:10:00.001-07:00

i'm very stressed and sad feeling right now and honestly I dont know why.

its midnight though and im tired and delirious, so thats probably it.

either way its not fun...but i dont wanna sleep.

argh?

a tiny curtain opened and i heard the tiny clapping of little hands

2007-05-28T18:21:00.000-07:00

this weekend was very strange

we had some kids from utah/nevada living with us.

they need to stay until they found a place to live here.

they are in the tehabi/grant kohrs dealie with my sister.

coool.

well i also ate more than i have in a long time this weekend.

so much junk, i just feel so icky and bad now, its weird.

didn't get to hang with shelbs, buuuut that means the next time we do it will be twice the fun.

met with some old friends from ekalaka.

ate pizza/played guitar hero with them.

man thats pretty much all i did.

watched the new pirates movie today.

LONG/boring

i drove jake.

just me and him, was fun, we bonded, yes.

and yeah, now im at home again, delaying homework

gahhhhd school end please.

maybe it will go faster with no track.

hmm we will see

thursday at 5 = track banquet

YAY

I MADE THE DEEP LISTS/i so happy/SHIT SON

2007-05-20T20:43:00.001-07:00

I MADE THE DEEP LISTS!

www.montanatrack.com

I MADE THE DEEP LISTS!

plusssssss!

this weekend was AMAZING!!!

i so happy

and careless right now, its awesome, never really been this way

well i guess im not free of all troubles

i have a precalc test to make up

SHIT SON

but who gives a damn in the end, im going to college either way muah

I EKALS EMPLOYED/cphone

2007-05-16T21:20:00.000-07:00

i got a job

sweet

at grant kohrs ranch

i was supposed to be a "museum aid"

but now im a "laborer"

they had to change the title some reason, buuuut they said i get more money somehow out of it so whatev

i just applied one day cause i was bored in study hall

really paid off

i want to work at a place like this

as opposed to 4bs hell (god damn you 4bs hell)

outside/inside/doing actual labor/have an actual schedule (mon-fri 7:30 - 4:30[frick yeah])

start june 11

now i can be like joe and have stories to tell that no one will want to hear

allsooo

ordered my cell phone(again)

im reallllllly excited for that, mainly because it'll allow me to talk to shelbs easier

shout out to shelbs follows: (when i get teh cell phone, call it whenever and lots plz kthxbai)

geeeeeeez anyway

yeah its really hot

and lost ends next weeeeeeeeeek

until next season

and theres fuggin twist after twist

ima diiiiiiiiieeee

oh well 2 hours next week baybay

oh eyah beat guitar hero II on hard today, just htought shtisatnh id say thast

werwelll im getinleing tired eofy typingasd goodsa so gosadofioood nithgjktr!

brain boners (haha david)

2007-05-09T16:43:00.000-07:00

lately ive been having uber brain boners

im just paranoid

i wish it would stop

but i dont feel like im doing enough to stop them

its my own fault, im a wimp

arhhghghghgh brain boners

also vista/xbox update today yeah boyee

roflcopter

2007-05-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

this was a crazy weekend.

ill start with friday

i went to pizza with jake, then got in a car with jessica and went to katies bday dance party thingymajig.

that was pretty crazy, but i felt shitty the whole time cause i was being pretty shy/stubborn/bad bf to shelby/indecisive about whether to wear my sweater or not.

i stayed until brad and jen left.

pretty fun ride home, i wont lie.

DAY 22222222 - 22222220

saturday

track meet in anaconda

cold as FUCK

my nose was all runny and i felt like whining as would a child

but i didnt

then i went and threw discus shitty

then watched dave break the record (again)

then threw shot shitty

then ate a sammich

then pretty much just sat around the rest of the meet listening to music/talkin inside humor with davo/watchin shelby suck at throwing grass balls at my face

so the meets over

we head to the bus

then we got on it

and rode home

WHOOPIE

okay now things get super fun

so shelbs and cheyenne go away somewhere

and i meet joe in my basement

we inside humor eachother a while

then when shelbs and chy showed up we suprised shelbs with a bday party yay

we had cake and streamers and allll that shit yes we did

we then watched cars

and jess/dave/brian & cal left

then after the movie SHELBS WANTED TO PLAY GUITAR HERO

and we did

for a while actually

then we abandoned chy in my basement

then dave came back

and then we PLAYED GUITAR HERO haha

after that we decided it was time to smash the sweet ass pinata

we didnt have a good stick though so we just held it up and karate kicked it in the pitch black of the backyard

pretty killer i must say

shelbs kicked it perfect too, almost none went into the grass, super easy cleanup, thanks shelbs

during this a shadowy figure crept up the alley and asked us if we were searching for night crawlers....

yeahhh....

so anyway inside the pinata were SQUIRT GUNS

yeah we had a full out war with those

shelbs and i were on one team and dave and chy were on the other

but heres why it was gay

they had two guns and we had one

so unfair

but i beat david in a draw so yeahhhh

anyway this whole time chy and dave are acting like little kids bouncin off the walls causin a ruckus

so then a cop pulls up and tells us to shut the hell up but dave sweet talks him and they made peace babies

well we go back inside, continue some guitar hero then outta the blue they gotta go home

:(

OH WELL twas a super fun fun day

DAY 3333 - 3330

sunday

my bros bday

BORING AS SHIT

sunday, duh

food/compy/homework/music/homework/compy/done

YUM

fun blog eh

people(too many)

2007-03-30T21:29:00.001-07:00

I went on my close up trip this last week.

It was bad ass.

I will explain it in pictures.

MUAH.

Damn, I got lazy and bored of uploadin pictures.

Chances are if you read this you've seen them anyway.

Weeelll tomorrow is prom/track and I need my rest and to gather my guts (for both).

GGGGGGGGGGGG NIGHT

Everyday is exactly the same......NIN

2007-03-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

I ammmmmmmmmmmmm tired.

Of school.

Of people.

Of nagging.

Of my cold.

Of doing nothing.

Of the same thing every day.

Things have been changing up lately.

Too bad it has been accompanied by a cold.

I had Academic Olympics today.

It was interesting.

Frisbee owned.

Our team lost out late in the consolation.

But Deer Lodge B got 2nd.

Hurrah.

Tomorrow is Mathletes.

Not looking forward to that.

Oh well, I don't care.

Close Up is soon.

Gahd its been a slow 4 weeks.

I need to see Shelby.

Oh well.

Sometimes things I say are misinterpreted or not fully explained.

Mostly because people don't really stay around long enough to hear it.

MOD mouse = fRIDAY.

Yum.

Phone still isn't here.

Peace.

cursed region (time/geography)

2007-03-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

I'm terribly stressed.

I feel like I disappoint everyone lately.

And I probably do.

Oh well, toughen up, move on.

Go play some guitar suckily, go play video games, go listen to music, go run, go lift, go study, go.

Im excited for Close Up.

Sadly, more excited for Modest Mouse, haha.

I will most likely spent the majority of my money at the concert too.

Heh.

I get plenty of sleep, yet I'm still so tired.

Craaaazy dreams.

I still haven't received my cell phone...no biggie, but it'd be nice on a night such as this.

My mind is raaaaaacing around, and shouldn't be.

Little things just get me down...ironically.

Oh well.

Tomorrow will be better.

bam

2007-02-27T19:14:00.000-08:00

I kicked Kayla Crowe in the face today.

Pretty hard too.

I felt bad so I gave her a piece of gum.

Now onto the part of the blog that will not make any sense.

Today was a good day.
Every day is a good day.
But at the end I'm always kicking myself in the face.
Because I can't look.

HAHAH BEAT THAT.

now thats fuckkked, i doubt ill even remember what it means.

peacesthehceechlefuckejrfeapcekcja;kce

Dehydrate back into minerals....

2007-02-25T17:39:00.000-08:00

I ordered a cell phone.

I guess I will be part of the social scene now.

Whoopieee

Nah, I really don't care too much, it'll be a nice thing to have so certain people can call me on a whim.

And until I get that phone my blogs will probably be boring and missing all pictures.

I plan to take many photos and upload them.

It's gonna get interesting, so watch for that.

I've been listening to Modest Mouse non stop for the last week and a half.

I'm in love with the new album.

DO IT.

Concerto baybay, chugga wugga.

This weekend was pretty boring, I didn't do much besides go to Missoula on Saturday for pepband.

Oh wait, I do have one picture.

Its from Fuddruckers.

Dave and I both downed one pounders baybay, no prob.

Yeah thats my blog...

Hopin next weekend is better, peace.

WWDBTSES

2007-02-16T09:16:00.001-08:00

HOLY FUCK.

SO GOOD.

vday

2007-02-14T17:48:00.000-08:00

Vday.

It was pretty good.

For a Wednesday, given the restrictions.

There was no all night partying, etc.

Just gave Shelby some (cheesy) things at lunch and called it good.

I was happy and hope she was too.

But after dinner I got all depressed and whatnot.

I have no idea why.

And I hate when I get swingy like that.

I think its just cause I remembered that it was an A-Day today, and all the suckiness of it that I had ignored up until that point came crashing into me.

F U, A-Days.

Tomorrow is a B-Day.

It is also a Thursday.

We do not have school Friday.

This = Awesome.

I just wonder what I'm gonna do.

Hmm, if you read this, tell me what I'm going to do.

I guess I'll have to see who's available and when.

Simple as that.

Four days though.

Oh lordy yes.

School has been pissing me off.

I always seem to forget something no matter how hard I try.

And when I do remember stuff it still bites me in the ass.

For example: I went to do my Precalculus homework last night. When open the book, I notice that over half the problems I am supposed to do are not on the page. Literally. It must be a misprint or something, but the questions are just not there.

Then when I get done what I can, I forget to bring in a worksheet that was also required.

I was sad/mad/careless.

I worry about being too much of a wimp-ass sometimes.

Modest Mouse = March 16.

peace.

March 16/Let me smell you (do I know you?)

2007-02-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

Ha.

Wow.

The past few days have been subliminally eventful.

Stories have spread instantaneously.

Haha, gahd the power of gossip.

Shoutout to Sean and Dboy for making it even more widespread in creative ways.

But yeah, I'm a happy camper in general now.

I've gotta few loose ends to tie up, but it'll be no biggie.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS OMMFG I HATE THEM

WHEN THEY ARE ON FIRE

I just went and read all my olllllllllld blogs.

Right before deleting them.

And holy shit.

I WAS FUCKIN OBSESSIVE.

Jesus, now I'm scared I'm gonna scare Shelby or something.

Cause in those blogs I was a fuckin creeper.

No lie, no shit.

Made me shiver.

But I've changed and become less...umm.....fucking stupid...since then.

No worries world, I won't creep you out anymore.

In a creepy way at least.

I'll still be here to make you shift uncomfortably.

But no world, I will not creep you out any longer.

Also.

I get to see Modest Mouse live.

Guess when baby.

You are all coming, no doubt.

DO IT.

Before the tickets sell out.

Spitting Venom

2007-02-03T00:53:00.000-08:00

I'm anticipating lots of things.

It wears on me.

I wont say what.

MODEST FUCKIN MOUSE OMFG.

More stuff too.

but bloggins become boring and obsolete to me now.

many things have.

peace.

.........get myself into it

2007-01-20T00:57:00.000-08:00

Yeah.

I'm too scared to write a happy blog.

Cause I'm afraid it'll all come crashing down right after I do.

Then I'll have to either make a new blog, or post like 2302343 blank entries.

So yeah.

This is my subliminally happy blog.

Not near as fleshed out as a sad or gripe blog.

Deal with it.

Assume I'm feeling good.

Assume it.

I didn't say I was.

ASSUME.

Or the blog will get me.

I know it.

==========------------------------------------james

Part 1

2007-01-15T15:12:00.000-08:00

I'm a super happy camper.

Lots of good things have been happening.

Plus I found a bunch of new musical artists and have been downloading their material vigorously.

I wish I wasn't such a puss.

Peace.

Insert half of lyrical phrase here.

2007-01-10T17:08:00.000-08:00

Yeah.

Sometimes I wonder if I should bother.

Sometimes I wonder if people excessively hype me.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even care about the past two statements.

Because in all honesty, I really shouldn't.

Go for it.

Until you can't anymore.

Even if it seems like it'll be the hardest thing to accomplish.

Because if you don't bother.

Then why do you wish you could?

Yep, theres my subliminal MINDSPEAK for the day.

Onto other things.

School.

Ehh, so repetitive, I've dwelt on this before.

Its so boring, I don't know what to do with myself.

So lately I entertain by being over the top stupid.

That and lift*

But whatever, I just wanna mix things up, and slowly, I have....I think I'm just scared to at times.

Eventually I get over the SCARY-ness.

And move on.

Its cool, but makes me bipolar, yum.

Beat Zelda, onto Castlevania/MGS:PO

OMG LOLZ.

peathe everyone.

*denotes manliness

Insert second half of lyrical phrase here.

YEAH

2007-01-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

OPTIMISM OVERWHELMS ME.

Pessimism gays up my mind anyway.

Fuck you pessimism.

Daniel says blog a shitload to ease the process of writing a report

I really have nothing to say.

Except that at about 10:15 I'm gonna go play Zelda regardless of what anyone says.

Which reminds me.

People have been calling me a nerd lately.

Like a lot of em.

It doesn't bug me.

But its just coming so fast.

CUH RAXXXXY.

Wish me luck.............I NEED IT.

?

2007-01-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

Confusion...

What do I do?

Life Like Weeds

2007-01-03T17:28:00.000-08:00

Yeah the title really doesn't mean anything.

It was just the Modest Mouse song playing at the time.

But it really is a good song.

Another song that is just as good by them is Dashboard.

Their new single.

It blows my mind, and lately I really feel I can relate to the lyrics.

"...would've been, could've been, worse than you would ever know, the dashboard melted but we still have the radio..."

Its kinda subliminal, but SHUT DA FUH UP.

Anyway, whats her name....umm....ahh....oh yeah, Cheyenne or something says since I made her blog that I have to.

Yeah its gay, since I'm not feeling that blogging energy too much.

So I'm just gonna pretty much write about whatever comes to mind then fluff this shit with pictures that probably have nothing to do with the context as usual.

Pfff....sooo....yeah.

School pretty much still blows and is stressful as all hell.

Thats because of my social anxiety problems though.

Too many people and I go yowsa.

Plus I don't know how to be around certain people anymore, or if I should even be around them.

Yeah I guess I'm just bummed because school is school and hasn't miraculously changed over break.

So much for a Christmas miracle Santa you lazy bastard.

I'm in Academic Olympics.

I feel like such a nerd.

But I am, and I guess I should really exploit it, eh?

Oh yeah, I just remembered, Sean and I are gonna start lifting and running like Russians.

Kettle Balls and weighted vests.

I'm gonna be hella ready for track and football.

Man, usually I'm not such a jock, but I need something to do.

Two hours after school sonny.

Well damn, I don't know what else to say about my life.

I'm distressed, I always am, but for various reasons.

Some obvious.

Others not.

But I'm really not in the complaining, poor my heart and soul out mood.

I'm just really tired.

And I really really want some caramel right now.

------------------------------------------james

yummm

2007-01-02T17:16:00.000-08:00

Zelda.

For GCN.

Is still awesome.

Anyway.

I'm gonna keep this one short.

Respect everyones point of view.

And don't jump to conclusions.

Look, its my ass.

Ass.

Thats what I am.

Night.

Dashboard (Retro/Instrumental/Modern)

2006-12-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

La de da de da.

I hate bipolar people.

La de da de da.*

*not an error/not a real song

EN-EE_UAY

Lets get to the heart of tonight's (" 's " shows possesive form) ENTREE.

HAHAHA OMG pun.

I really don't know what to say.

I have lots of stuff going on in my life right now.

A lot to look forward to.

And a lot to dread.

In both situations, I may be overreacting.

In some ways I hope I am, but in others, I hope I'm not.

About the stuff to look forward to.

I'm really excited.

I hope I'm right.

And if I am.

I really hope I don't screw up the situation.

That would really blow.

I would actually feel pretty shitty throughout the rest of high school if I messed up.

But remember, I'm confident now.

Lets just hope** I can "get my shit together."

I was gonna go on a lot longer, but I really don't want to gripe forever about the bad shit going on, because most of it really isn't worth it, and because focusing on the bad makes me less of a man.

**see past entries

By the way I had fun with the bold option in this entry, get over it.

----------------------------------------------james

meh

2006-12-22T21:13:00.000-08:00

Merry Mas

2006-12-17T17:00:00.000-08:00

Its been a fun filled weekend.

Full of false hope, and bitter disappointment (self induced)

But also loads of ass kicking fun with Sean, Dirt, Dboy, and Ton.

Do you ever think you really shouldn't even bother with something?

I do, but I really don't care about much anymore, so I deal and try anyway.

Because, what have I got to lose?

Everything I do have is not associated with the problem, so its worry free.

And I'll keep going until my face is smashed into the pavement.

Next.

I'm tired of being treated like an item.

I feel like I'm being used as a vent, and to me, its shallow.

Everyone has problems, including myself.

If mine are brought up, they're shot down as insignificant, maybe not consciously, but still.

What the hell, your problems aren't even that crazy.

Parents beat their children everyday.

They do fucking drugs.

They live in a shit hole.

They have no future, and its not their fault.

Don't over blow these situations.

Learn to be happy with what you have, because what you have is amazing.

And its not fair.

At least you've had opportunities.

At least you've had a chance.

Don't get me wrong, I like to help.

And care about you deeply, insanely.

But you're killing yourself and its frustrating.

You call yourself a christian.

Act like one.

Because whether God is real or not, I couldn't tell you.

He must be frustrated too.

You have an amazing life.

He's given you so much.

Sure there is drama, but what the hell.

Put a rat and cat in a cage and shit will happen.

I've subtly, friendly, tried to tell you this before.

You didn't understand.

Now I feel like I have to pound it straight into your skull.

Do I feel remorse?

Right now, yes.

Will I if you finally get the picture?

No.

Bear vs Shark*

2006-12-12T20:11:00.000-08:00

Lift the weights B-tomp. Lift the weights.

Look at me being all motivational and homoerotic. Ick.

Its a fucking ownin band, thank you Sean for introducing me to them like a year ago.

I just remembered them today, and damn I was missing out.

ANNNYWHOOO. Onto the meat and potatoes.

All is pretty good.

Socially.

Academically (sort of I'm slacking a bit)

Etc-ally.

The only real gripe I have is how repetitive life is lately.

Its school, then compy/homework/gametime/tutor until sleep.

I enjoy it all, but I want change you know.

And I'm really aiming for it.

For one, I'm trying to be more social...and so far its been good albeit pissing my parents off maha.

I am also becoming much less shy than before, and I don't feel like I've become more of an ass doing so. It is totally blowing my mind in retrospective awesomeness.

I feel more like an individual now, than ever. jiz jizzzkjizzz.

I wish mail was instantaneous.

Then I'd have a new Achewood hoodie and shirts.

ANyway, time to pimp this entry.

Peace.

*this entry is boring

Spider fuckin suck.

2006-12-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

Especially robot ones....

They're everywhere.

And their webs are gross.

Speaking of webs, I hate the webs trust and friendship create.

What am I talking about?

I hate the he said she said gossip, and how I'm not supposed to tell one person something because someone said so, but I feel obligated to because of the close friendship we have.

And not to brag or anything, but I'm generally liked/somewhat trusted by lots of people.

I hope.

And I'm sorry if I piss people off cause they feel like I lie or shit, but most the time its because I have to, because I already promised someone else who trusted me that I wouldn't say anything, etc etc.

FUCKS WITH MY FUCKIN MIND.

This makes my brain go "WHEEEEE" - Robbie Dawson

Sometimes I wish people just wouldn't tell me stuff, so I don't get hurt, but I get hurt anyway because they don't tell me and I feel like they should because we have a trust thing.

GOOOD DAMMMMN.

And so ENDS my GRIPE.

Anyway I really like this girl.

Or I really like the thought of liking this girl, because shes pretty damn awesome. Easy to talk to, smart etc.

Then again I could be getting brainwashed again OH NOES.

WTF I don't even care if I get hurt, I just want some memories.

Then again I could cause hurt...but to me it seems like the lessons learned would be worth it.

Just wish I wasn't so shy, eh, oh well.

END of BLOG.

Jack Nicholson

2006-11-26T18:04:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I spelled his name right, but shut the hell up if I did.

Anyway I watched The Shining on my 360 today.

Good movie, JN makes me wanna film stuff.

Anyway, yesterday was WINTER BALL.

Here are some pictures.

OMFG lolLZ AWSUM ROIGHT?

Yeah it was okay. I danced with some fe-fellas, went to barg's, ate some tasty grits, then headed home and played Doom co-op with dan finding 100% secrets in the levels for a few hours.

Yeah, I hate how the dance is stereotypically the place where you HAVE to have a date, and you EXPECT romance or potential romance (not necessarily the date), and if you don't find any then no matter how much fun you have that night, at the end it blows.

I really don't care myself, well, I do, but I try not to. I really shouldn't, but I see potential in places, but I'm not sure, ever.

You girls are so damn hard to read and understand, I never know when to take a hint, good or bad. Please spell it out for me.

I got a futon for my birthday.

It's not my birthday yet, Tuesday is, but still.

I could have just received a normal bed, but god damn I wanted a futon.

I don't even fold it down to sleep in it.

HELLS YEAH.

ANNYWAY, still waiting for the Wii.

Yep, not freaking out about it, I've got lots of other stuff to do also...its just Zelda makes me wanna scatterblast, and what reasonable man doesn't want to?

peathe.

Fuck

2006-11-22T23:44:00.000-08:00

I'm such a hypocrite.

Scientific Proof That Nickelback Sucks

2006-11-14T14:44:00.000-08:00

Same beat, same breaks, same awful band.

I couldn't help but blog this.

Matt Sewell, this means you.

BAHAHAHA

read more | digg story

I think I think too much

2006-11-12T00:38:00.000-08:00

I

Am

Confused.

BAHHHHHHHHAHAHHAAHA stfu, I'm not, but really I am.

Some reason I've been getting depressed more often lately.

And for stupid reasons.

I guess its because I depend on stupid things for happiness.

LOL

Z

I depend on false hope for happiness.

False hope isn't very dependable.

I hate image and why it does/doesn't matter.

Lately I've also been very happy periodically also.

But that too, is because of seemingly false hope.

I can't seem to convince myself that good things can happen to me.

But that might change soon.

Who knows.

I just have to hope.

Try and then hope for the best.

Because if the best doesn't come out, then I can settle for a bit less.

Outright rejection is what scares me in life.

Concerning all things.

I like it when people like me.

I can't have anyone not like me.

And by keeping quiet and being reserved no one hates me.

But I just come off as a soulless mindfreak.

Thats why I've decided to take some risks.

Not stupid ones, oh no.

Just to do little things that I normally wouldn't.

Say hi to this person in the halls.

Participate publicly in class.

Give people you normally wouldn't a chance.

All of these changes are from a new principle I've decided to live by.

The harder thing is almost always the right thing to do.

Go against the grain of temptation and live life from there.

I figure if I do this, then good things will eventually come my way, but I really shouldn't complain.

My life is great.

I have awesome friends.

Awesome family.

Good grades.

Many talents.

No reason to complain.

But I don't have everything, as most people appear to.

But I'm usually wrong, they don't have it all.

A lot of them are lost, and its sad.

But I just wish life wasn't scheduled.

Gahd damnit.

Time for sleep/wakeup/gearsofwar/chemistry/sleep/wakeup/school/think/think/think/think/think/think/eventuallydie

Zelda Retrospective Part 5

2006-11-11T12:21:00.000-08:00

Man I love Zelda.

and this blog digg shit.

=) mmm

read more | digg story

Hunting Season? WTF its nerd season.

2006-10-29T21:00:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love this time of the year.

Its the time of the year when millions of people flock to shopping medians daily.

Its the time of year when I get most stressed out.

Its the time of year when it gets fucking cold when I don't want it to get fucking cold.

Its the time of year my dog mysteriously goes into heat despite getting her vagina blended up from on the inside.

Its the time of year my dad is convinced I absolutely adore hunting and never stops filling my mind with visons of fluffy animals getting shot not quite directly through the heart.

But in the end, it all comes down to one thing.

Its the time of year when several means of multimedia entertainment are released in a swarm of headshots and wi-fi connections.

I even have it scheduled how I'm going about purchasing all these delicious items.

Nov.8 - Nov.19 = Gears of War(XB360), COD3(XB360)

Nov.19 - TBA = Various Nintendo Wii titles

A simple schedule really, but I review it daily, if not hourly.

I get way too excited about this stuff, then get bitterly disappointed, but in the end its worth it.

Getting hyped up about shit is a pillar of happiness. Its available when the girlfriend pillar, or social pillar, or any other pillar has been shot down.

Its great, and I'll never ever stop getting overhyped for anything so shut up.

By the way Xbox Live is pissing me off.

I spent 80 bucks to get an account and 1600 microsoft points, but I can't use them because I'm not fucking old enough. So now I have to find the password to my mom's email if I want to use them. I also can't use the damn headset when playing live because of this. Problem is my mom's password is alphanumeric and was written down on only once piece of paper and now that paper is lost.

FUCK.

This is how I feel.

Good night.

Testing the extension you dirty muthas.

2006-10-25T17:36:00.000-07:00

Check it check it one two one two.

Firefox is teh shit.

One two one two.

...

2006-10-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

where did the carefree lifestyle and weekly showers go

2006-10-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking. About how we change and what not.

What do I do now that I would never think of in junior high?

For one I swear like a damn maniac.

Fuck(in JH) = Satan
No joke, I would get mad giggles if anyone said anything profain.
Now its not just verbal, men are grabbing asses, punching nuts. Its not cool.
But whatever I guess.

Two, I don't feel as creative as I used to.

That makes me sad. I miss the video camera days. The gorilla suits. Drawing stupid shit that makes sense to no one...

About drawing shit though, I've been doing more of that lately, because I love it and I can be as fucked up as I want with my drawings. They really don't mean anything.
Maybe subconsciously, because I start with a line, that leads to a circle, that leads to an
alligator hand eating daniels pez dispensing head. You know, typical stuff. (Dan and I have
been planning to scan and upload some stuff, so watch for that)

Three...I need stuff to do.

A hobby...or something. I mean, what the hell? I play video games, and surf the internet.
Play football, but thats not long term...People, help me. I need something. A few years back I remember always having something do to...skateboarding, making music, etc. Suggestions,
playdates...please....

Four. Overcoming my shyness is backfiring.

Getting over my brick wall of social inabilities has been tough, but gradually I'm becoming
more open and umm, fun? With this comes drawbacks though. I feel the less shy I become,
the more of an asshole I seem to be. Fair? Nope, but whatever, life is a stick in the ass in
general. And I feel as I complain about other shitheads, I become a hypocrite, only
condemning myself. So, because of this, I've been hesitant lately, with many things I say...but, whatever.

Five. Girls aren't the goal in life anymore.

Jesus, I remember getting so depressed in junior high, because I was such a damn loner. But it
was true, I was really shy (still not good with girls), and I knew I would probably be that way
for a long time. This was crushing. I remember lonnnng talks with mother and whatnot, they cured me temporarily, but something dad said, or something I saw at school would always
bring back the stick in the ass. This depression continued until I actually had a real girlfriend during the summer of 2006. I was happy. Until I got dumped and realized how god damn
brain washed I was. Now women are whatever to me. I'm gonna be really damn picky, but
thats the way it should be. Don't become the friend. (ha dave) The thing is, its not my
motivation for life as it was in JH. Weird eh? How such desirable things can also be such
fucking ripoffs? Cuh-razy shit.

Six. Does not count. I still have my principles.

I will not do drugs. I will not drink. I will not do things unessacary in general.
Why should I start drinking if I can be happy and have fun not doing it? Why risk so much for a fun little buzz? If you do it responsibly, then whatever, have fun. Just don't fucking
spraypaint shit, and break windows. I'll just stick to doing the millions things that make more sense to me I guess.

Seven. Eight.

There are so many changes that have gone on, subconsciously or not.

Its fucking crazy.

It really gets me thinking about how I'm gonna be in 6 years.

You could probably tell me better than anyone.

Well, I have to do homework, and writing this has taken me much longer than it should have.

Sleep awaits.

Peathe.

wena gnitrats/the diary of a wannabe indie scene blogger child

2006-10-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

My old blog was gay.

This one is gayer.

Enjoy these pictures.

I went to Missoula for a weekend a while ago...and yeah it pretty much pwned any fun bullshit Deer Lodge can muster.

That was a very spontaneous night, and I would never consider doing any of the things we did there, here.

Not because the things we did were inappropriate or against the law, but because in Deer
Lodge...you know everyone, and everyone is composed of 90% redneck "I like to hunt to eat rarw liver, my house's paint is peeling but I dont care, lets go get fucking wasted it'll be awesome, women are toys to be played with not respected but it doesnt matter because women flock the assholes anyway or dump you cause youre too nice , country and rap music are genius, I'm gonna live here the rest of my life, I have no life, short haired, if you don't have a truck you aren't hetero, my speakers are louder than yours, I shot a fucking grasshopper with a 12 gauge, school is gay and doesn't deserve my attention, I don't get to know people because I'm afraid of change, if you wear a t-shirt or have long hair you're a flamer, if you don't play football you aren't a man, I'm gonna stop now because in the end this rant is meaningless" shallow minded assholes.

In Missoula theres are a lot more people to identify with, and thats awesome.

I don't know if I stayed on track there or not, but I honestly don't care.

In the futrue I'll gripe even more to you about my hopelessness, and about that fact that all I enjoy in life is videogames.

You probably can't wait.

Eat me and die readers.

Eat me and die.

Ha.

James -