well gosh darn

I'm really confused.

I'm really happy.

I don't want anything to change.

But when I'm by myself I such a downer.

I think I really need to vent.

But I'm not sure who I should vent to.

Or even if I should.

Because I always seem to worry about stuff that I have no reason to.

But it just keeps coming back to me, and I'm getting sick of it.

The contrasting feelings are killing me.

It may be because everything thing thats good to me just feels like a dream.

None of it seems real, or authentic, or like it ever happened when I'm by myself.

Then I try to be in those feel good situations more and more, but I feel selfish, like I don't deserve it.

Then I feel like I get annoying, and like people aren't being honest.

Then this builds up the paranoia.

And my stress.

And I hope its all over nothing.

But, like I said, it keeps coming back to me.

Shit, its going to be a long night.