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why do i feel so fucking sad

OMG TEH HALOZ

I love gettin overhyped for SOFTWARE.



I talked to jess today.

We talked about how we wanna have the most fun possible this year.

And it got me all excited for the year.



But right now football kinda cuts out half the weekends.

Not a big deal, since I love football, I just really want to do more this year and when footballs over I'm gonna have a ball.

YOU JUST WAIT AND SEE GOD DAMNIT.

Strawberry Jam

I love life.

Not even football can get in the way.

As stressful as it is.

I was kinda worried that losing would turn me into a manic depressive.

It didn't so I was relieved.


Yeah, so this weekend was pretttty DAMN GOOD.

Saturday.

I was pretty sore so I slept most of the day, but hung out with my Aunt Betty, went to the freshmen football jamboree, and went to the close up car wash.

I woke up around 4 and got on the net.

Shelby got on as well.

We decided that I was gonna go to Elliston that night.

I felt kinda bad coming on such short notice, but it was awesome anyway.

We sat and played with kittens (not as gay as it sounds), toured her mother's old house, got scared by Sawyer countless times, watched one gay and 1/3 of an amazing movie, got attacked and stalked by Sutton and mini-tj, ate tacos, and made fun of eachother.

Couldn't have had a better Saturday night if you ask me.

It was perfect for my conditions, sore and longing.


Sunday.

I slept in somewhat late.

Ate Marne's ice cream.

Andrew, Jake, and I got some pizza and sat in the basement talking and watching football whilst pigging out.

Dan and I decided to film our music video around noon.

I had lots of fun, and his camera is niiiiice.

I trust its gonna be a good video.

IT HAD BETTER BE GOD DAMNIT.

I don't think I've ever had such a bad panic attack under such bright conditions.


YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OMFG TRIFORCE

Homecoming.

It was quite the mixed bag.

On one hand I got to hang out with some friends and spend some time with Shelby.

Who is amazing, though I do feel kinda selfish around her lately cause I just can't seem to get enough of her. All the time we spend together is over in a blink and I seem to be wanting to spend more time with her than ever because of my last year in high school. I'm always scared of regretting not being with her enough, but that just might be my paranoia.

On the other there was some gay ass drama/reflective sadness going on.

It's making me feel weird as shit.

My emotions:

Happiness: 100%

Anger: 100%

Sadness: 80%


The way these emotions are colliding is confusing the shit outta me.

But the sadness and anger are unfairly outweighing the happiness.

It was my senior homecoming and I had a blast.

But the negative shit was just not needed.

I will remember it for a lonnnng time.

And I don't want to look back and say, "That fucking bitch broke his heart."

I want to look back and say, "I had one of the best times ever that night."

My stupid fucking paranoia took a toll on me too.

I don't know why I worry.

I really wish I didn't but...god damnit I don't know.

Overall, I just want to finish the year in a simple way.

Have fun, don't have high expectations, don't be so selfish, be the best person I can, and don't be so god damn pessimistic all the time.

I gotta live in the moment, not cry about how this moment is going to be the last one of its kind.

Man I really wish I had someone to vent to right now...




She had to ruin it for us...