Dashboard (Retro/Instrumental/Modern)

La de da de da.

I hate bipolar people.

La de da de da.*


*not an error/not a real song






EN-EE_UAY

Lets get to the heart of tonight's (" 's " shows possesive form) ENTREE.

HAHAHA OMG pun.

I really don't know what to say.

I have lots of stuff going on in my life right now.

A lot to look forward to.

And a lot to dread.





In both situations, I may be overreacting.



In some ways I hope I am, but in others, I hope I'm not.





About the stuff to look forward to.

I'm really excited.

I hope I'm right.

And if I am.

I really hope I don't screw up the situation.

That would really blow.

I would actually feel pretty shitty throughout the rest of high school if I messed up.

But remember, I'm confident now.








Lets just hope** I can "get my shit together."







I was gonna go on a lot longer, but I really don't want to gripe forever about the bad shit going on, because most of it really isn't worth it, and because focusing on the bad makes me less of a man.








**see past entries




By the way I had fun with the bold option in this entry, get over it.







----------------------------------------------james

meh

Merry Mas

Its been a fun filled weekend.

Full of false hope, and bitter disappointment (self induced)

But also loads of ass kicking fun with Sean, Dirt, Dboy, and Ton.



Do you ever think you really shouldn't even bother with something?

I do, but I really don't care about much anymore, so I deal and try anyway.

Because, what have I got to lose?

Everything I do have is not associated with the problem, so its worry free.

And I'll keep going until my face is smashed into the pavement.




Next.


I'm tired of being treated like an item.

I feel like I'm being used as a vent, and to me, its shallow.

Everyone has problems, including myself.

If mine are brought up, they're shot down as insignificant, maybe not consciously, but still.

What the hell, your problems aren't even that crazy.

Parents beat their children everyday.

They do fucking drugs.

They live in a shit hole.

They have no future, and its not their fault.

Don't over blow these situations.

Learn to be happy with what you have, because what you have is amazing.

And its not fair.

At least you've had opportunities.

At least you've had a chance.

Don't get me wrong, I like to help.

And care about you deeply, insanely.

But you're killing yourself and its frustrating.

You call yourself a christian.

Act like one.

Because whether God is real or not, I couldn't tell you.

He must be frustrated too.

You have an amazing life.

He's given you so much.

Sure there is drama, but what the hell.

Put a rat and cat in a cage and shit will happen.

I've subtly, friendly, tried to tell you this before.

You didn't understand.

Now I feel like I have to pound it straight into your skull.

Do I feel remorse?

Right now, yes.

Will I if you finally get the picture?

No.

Bear vs Shark*

Lift the weights B-tomp. Lift the weights.

Look at me being all motivational and homoerotic. Ick.


Its a fucking ownin band, thank you Sean for introducing me to them like a year ago.

I just remembered them today, and damn I was missing out.


ANNNYWHOOO. Onto the meat and potatoes.

All is pretty good.

Socially.

Academically (sort of I'm slacking a bit)

Etc-ally.


The only real gripe I have is how repetitive life is lately.

Its school, then compy/homework/gametime/tutor until sleep.

I enjoy it all, but I want change you know.

And I'm really aiming for it.

For one, I'm trying to be more social...and so far its been good albeit pissing my parents off maha.

I am also becoming much less shy than before, and I don't feel like I've become more of an ass doing so. It is totally blowing my mind in retrospective awesomeness.


I feel more like an individual now, than ever. jiz jizzzkjizzz.


I wish mail was instantaneous.


Then I'd have a new Achewood hoodie and shirts.

ANyway, time to pimp this entry.

Peace.



*this entry is boring

Spider fuckin suck.

Especially robot ones....

They're everywhere.

And their webs are gross.

Speaking of webs, I hate the webs trust and friendship create.

What am I talking about?

I hate the he said she said gossip, and how I'm not supposed to tell one person something because someone said so, but I feel obligated to because of the close friendship we have.

And not to brag or anything, but I'm generally liked/somewhat trusted by lots of people.

I hope.

And I'm sorry if I piss people off cause they feel like I lie or shit, but most the time its because I have to, because I already promised someone else who trusted me that I wouldn't say anything, etc etc.

FUCKS WITH MY FUCKIN MIND.


This makes my brain go "WHEEEEE" - Robbie Dawson

Sometimes I wish people just wouldn't tell me stuff, so I don't get hurt, but I get hurt anyway because they don't tell me and I feel like they should because we have a trust thing.


GOOOD DAMMMMN.

And so ENDS my GRIPE.




Anyway I really like this girl.

Or I really like the thought of liking this girl, because shes pretty damn awesome. Easy to talk to, smart etc.

Then again I could be getting brainwashed again OH NOES.




WTF I don't even care if I get hurt, I just want some memories.

Then again I could cause hurt...but to me it seems like the lessons learned would be worth it.


Just wish I wasn't so shy, eh, oh well.


END of BLOG.

Jack Nicholson

I don't know if I spelled his name right, but shut the hell up if I did.

Anyway I watched The Shining on my 360 today.

Good movie, JN makes me wanna film stuff.

Anyway, yesterday was WINTER BALL.

Here are some pictures.

OMFG lolLZ AWSUM ROIGHT?




Yeah it was okay. I danced with some fe-fellas, went to barg's, ate some tasty grits, then headed home and played Doom co-op with dan finding 100% secrets in the levels for a few hours.

Yeah, I hate how the dance is stereotypically the place where you HAVE to have a date, and you EXPECT romance or potential romance (not necessarily the date), and if you don't find any then no matter how much fun you have that night, at the end it blows.

I really don't care myself, well, I do, but I try not to. I really shouldn't, but I see potential in places, but I'm not sure, ever.

You girls are so damn hard to read and understand, I never know when to take a hint, good or bad. Please spell it out for me.







I got a futon for my birthday.



It's not my birthday yet, Tuesday is, but still.

I could have just received a normal bed, but god damn I wanted a futon.

I don't even fold it down to sleep in it.

HELLS YEAH.

ANNYWAY, still waiting for the Wii.







Yep, not freaking out about it, I've got lots of other stuff to do also...its just Zelda makes me wanna scatterblast, and what reasonable man doesn't want to?





peathe.

Fuck

I'm such a hypocrite.

Scientific Proof That Nickelback Sucks

Same beat, same breaks, same awful band.

I couldn't help but blog this.

Matt Sewell, this means you.

BAHAHAHA

read more | digg story

I think I think too much

I


Am



Confused.






BAHHHHHHHHAHAHHAAHA stfu, I'm not, but really I am.

Some reason I've been getting depressed more often lately.

And for stupid reasons.

I guess its because I depend on stupid things for happiness.

LOL

Z

I depend on false hope for happiness.

False hope isn't very dependable.


I hate image and why it does/doesn't matter.


Lately I've also been very happy periodically also.

But that too, is because of seemingly false hope.

I can't seem to convince myself that good things can happen to me.

But that might change soon.

Who knows.

I just have to hope.

Try and then hope for the best.

Because if the best doesn't come out, then I can settle for a bit less.

Outright rejection is what scares me in life.

Concerning all things.

I like it when people like me.

I can't have anyone not like me.

And by keeping quiet and being reserved no one hates me.

But I just come off as a soulless mindfreak.

Thats why I've decided to take some risks.

Not stupid ones, oh no.

Just to do little things that I normally wouldn't.

Say hi to this person in the halls.

Participate publicly in class.

Give people you normally wouldn't a chance.

All of these changes are from a new principle I've decided to live by.

The harder thing is almost always the right thing to do.

Go against the grain of temptation and live life from there.

I figure if I do this, then good things will eventually come my way, but I really shouldn't complain.





My life is great.

I have awesome friends.

Awesome family.

Good grades.

Many talents.

No reason to complain.

But I don't have everything, as most people appear to.

But I'm usually wrong, they don't have it all.

A lot of them are lost, and its sad.

But I just wish life wasn't scheduled.




Gahd damnit.






Time for sleep/wakeup/gearsofwar/chemistry/sleep/wakeup/school/think/think/think/think/think/think/eventuallydie

Zelda Retrospective Part 5

Man I love Zelda.

and this blog digg shit.

=) mmm

read more | digg story

Hunting Season? WTF its nerd season.

I absolutely love this time of the year.

Its the time of the year when millions of people flock to shopping medians daily.

Its the time of year when I get most stressed out.

Its the time of year when it gets fucking cold when I don't want it to get fucking cold.

Its the time of year my dog mysteriously goes into heat despite getting her vagina blended up from on the inside.

Its the time of year my dad is convinced I absolutely adore hunting and never stops filling my mind with visons of fluffy animals getting shot not quite directly through the heart.



But in the end, it all comes down to one thing.


Its the time of year when several means of multimedia entertainment are released in a swarm of headshots and wi-fi connections.


I even have it scheduled how I'm going about purchasing all these delicious items.

Nov.8 - Nov.19 = Gears of War(XB360), COD3(XB360)

Nov.19 - TBA = Various Nintendo Wii titles


A simple schedule really, but I review it daily, if not hourly.

I get way too excited about this stuff, then get bitterly disappointed, but in the end its worth it.


Getting hyped up about shit is a pillar of happiness. Its available when the girlfriend pillar, or social pillar, or any other pillar has been shot down.

Its great, and I'll never ever stop getting overhyped for anything so shut up.

By the way Xbox Live is pissing me off.

I spent 80 bucks to get an account and 1600 microsoft points, but I can't use them because I'm not fucking old enough. So now I have to find the password to my mom's email if I want to use them. I also can't use the damn headset when playing live because of this. Problem is my mom's password is alphanumeric and was written down on only once piece of paper and now that paper is lost.

FUCK.

This is how I feel.




Good night.

Testing the extension you dirty muthas.

Check it check it one two one two.

Firefox is teh shit.

One two one two.

powered by performancing firefox

...

where did the carefree lifestyle and weekly showers go

I've been thinking. About how we change and what not.

What do I do now that I would never think of in junior high?











For one I swear like a damn maniac.


Fuck(in JH) = Satan
No joke, I would get mad giggles if anyone said anything profain.
Now its not just verbal, men are grabbing asses, punching nuts. Its not cool.
But whatever I guess.






Two, I don't feel as creative as I used to.

That makes me sad. I miss the video camera days. The gorilla suits. Drawing stupid shit that makes sense to no one...


About drawing shit though, I've been doing more of that lately, because I love it and I can be as fucked up as I want with my drawings. They really don't mean anything.
Maybe subconsciously, because I start with a line, that leads to a circle, that leads to an
alligator hand eating daniels pez dispensing head. You know, typical stuff. (Dan and I have
been planning to scan and upload some stuff, so watch for that)






Three...I need stuff to do.


A hobby...or something. I mean, what the hell? I play video games, and surf the internet.
Play football, but thats not long term...People, help me. I need something. A few years back I remember always having something do to...skateboarding, making music, etc. Suggestions,
playdates...please....






Four. Overcoming my shyness is backfiring.



Getting over my brick wall of social inabilities has been tough, but gradually I'm becoming
more open and umm, fun? With this comes drawbacks though. I feel the less shy I become,
the more of an asshole I seem to be. Fair? Nope, but whatever, life is a stick in the ass in
general. And I feel as I complain about other shitheads, I become a hypocrite, only
condemning myself. So, because of this, I've been hesitant lately, with many things I say...but, whatever.






Five. Girls aren't the goal in life anymore.




Jesus, I remember getting so depressed in junior high, because I was such a damn loner. But it
was true, I was really shy (still not good with girls), and I knew I would probably be that way
for a long time. This was crushing. I remember lonnnng talks with mother and whatnot, they cured me temporarily, but something dad said, or something I saw at school would always
bring back the stick in the ass. This depression continued until I actually had a real girlfriend during the summer of 2006. I was happy. Until I got dumped and realized how god damn
brain washed I was. Now women are whatever to me. I'm gonna be really damn picky, but
thats the way it should be. Don't become the friend. (ha dave) The thing is, its not my
motivation for life as it was in JH. Weird eh? How such desirable things can also be such
fucking ripoffs? Cuh-razy shit.





Six. Does not count. I still have my principles.



I will not do drugs. I will not drink. I will not do things unessacary in general.
Why should I start drinking if I can be happy and have fun not doing it? Why risk so much for a fun little buzz? If you do it responsibly, then whatever, have fun. Just don't fucking
spraypaint shit, and break windows. I'll just stick to doing the millions things that make more sense to me I guess.



Seven. Eight.

There are so many changes that have gone on, subconsciously or not.

Its fucking crazy.

It really gets me thinking about how I'm gonna be in 6 years.





You could probably tell me better than anyone.




Well, I have to do homework, and writing this has taken me much longer than it should have.

Sleep awaits.


Peathe.

wena gnitrats/the diary of a wannabe indie scene blogger child

My old blog was gay.

This one is gayer.

Enjoy these pictures.





I went to Missoula for a weekend a while ago...and yeah it pretty much pwned any fun bullshit Deer Lodge can muster.


That was a very spontaneous night, and I would never consider doing any of the things we did there, here.

Not because the things we did were inappropriate or against the law, but because in Deer
Lodge...you know everyone, and everyone is composed of 90% redneck "I like to hunt to eat rarw liver, my house's paint is peeling but I dont care, lets go get fucking wasted it'll be awesome, women are toys to be played with not respected but it doesnt matter because women flock the assholes anyway or dump you cause youre too nice , country and rap music are genius, I'm gonna live here the rest of my life, I have no life, short haired, if you don't have a truck you aren't hetero, my speakers are louder than yours, I shot a fucking grasshopper with a 12 gauge, school is gay and doesn't deserve my attention, I don't get to know people because I'm afraid of change, if you wear a t-shirt or have long hair you're a flamer, if you don't play football you aren't a man, I'm gonna stop now because in the end this rant is meaningless" shallow minded assholes.


In Missoula theres are a lot more people to identify with, and thats awesome.

I don't know if I stayed on track there or not, but I honestly don't care.


In the futrue I'll gripe even more to you about my hopelessness, and about that fact that all I enjoy in life is videogames.

You probably can't wait.




Eat me and die readers.

Eat me and die.

Ha.


James -